naked in the woods

ode to a Mountain Laurel

2012-03-01T18:56:00.001-06:00

sweet scent

lend me a moment

dangle

purple lust

in my mouth

a breath

my nostrils flare

and quiver

the veil thins-as you enter the lenten season, a poem

2012-02-21T15:25:00.000-06:00

a telling bell

from another realm

half-wakes me

(i am not alone

in this)

a slug—i stumble

answering the call

then the light

—a dim remembering

~ ~ ~

now

the sun

the ground

a niche

berries—a cadmium flash

—mob

the sky

Healing Happens

2012-02-19T21:15:00.000-06:00

What if I gave you permission to dance a jig in the grocery store aisle or go outside your office building and set up a howl? Would you do it?

Of course not, you say. I'm not crazy. I know how to behave in public.

See? That's my point. Our society has conditioned us to be quiet and still in our cubicles at work, in our desks at school, in lines at the grocery store, in our pews at church, and at the dinner table. We call it "minding our manners." We are taught to keep our eyes front and our mouths shut.

Venues for self-expression are limited to the chosen. Choir members and celebrities have permission to sing and dance. Authorities with recognized credentials are given platforms by the media and the publishing industry. Socially acceptable movement is formalized and repetitive. Working out with weights at the gym; practicing certain stylized, choreographed forms like Yoga, Tai Chi, or aerobics; participating in athletic training; and playing sports are our choices. But the average human's need to spontaneously self-express is repressed. You just proved it.

Consequently, as a culture, we are rigid and angry (or depressed). We have manifested phenomena like drive-by-shootings and road-rage, and we have become an obscenely obese population dependent on alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, anti-depressants, and sleep aids.

I can't dance or sing, you say. There's the problem: you think it's about ability. It's not. You came into this world not only knowing how to move and sound, but doing it all the time, naturally.

While I affirm the necessity to teach self-control, and develop the critical thinking skills it takes to judge appropriate from inappropriate social behavior, I denounce the necessity for the rigid, industrialized, robotic, oppressive nature of the methods by which these behaviors are taught. In fact, I hold the barriers of socially appropriate behavior in question as borderline cruelty.

What you need to know is this: the body carries a cellular memory of every experience you've ever had, and somatic stagnation or holding feeds disease and breeds unhappiness. To dance and sing or writhe and groan however your body desires is your divine birthright and the kinesthetic key to your body's ability to self-heal.

In my work, I challenge individuals to move and sound through cultural barriers that stagnate and repress, and to transmute the term "socially appropriate behavior" into something more like "biodynamic, spiritual well-being." I encourage increasing somatic awareness through movement, sounding, Healing Touch, bodywork, and breath-work.

I offer you the permission here to reconnect with your body, to allow it to move spontaneously in its own unique, biodynamic, rhythmic wisdom and watch what happens. Blocked energy will move. Holding patterns will release. Your bio-field will expand. Ultimately, the spontaneous fluidity you cultivate will enable your body's innate ability and voila! Healing happens.

Opportunities to Study Healing Touch in Texas 2012

2012-01-29T13:35:00.000-06:00

Study Healing Touch this year in Texas with HTPI Susan Emily Russell. Healing touch is a hands-on, subtle energy field healing intervention based on the Chakra System. Classes offer CEU's to LMT's, RN's, ministers, counselors, and others in the helping professions.

Healing Touch is a component of the work I do and I have found entering the work profoundly deepening.

Be Well,

Dr. Christine Horner Talks about Breast Cancer

2012-01-25T16:57:00.001-06:00

Important new research about breast cancer prevention from Dr. Christine Horner, author of Waking the Warrior Goddess
Buy the book here:
http://www.amazon.com/Waking-Warrior-Goddess-Christine-Horners/dp/1591202159/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1325701098&sr=1-1

Read the article & watch the interview here:
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2012/01/14/dr-christine-horner-interview.aspx?e_cid=20120122_WNL_art_1

new work in progress "this is all i know"

2011-09-19T23:25:00.001-05:00

Help my friend sell this vintage Studebaker! It's a beauty

2011-09-17T13:02:00.001-05:00

Do your good deed for today. Repost or like this page and help my friend find a new home for her 1954 Studebaker Flathead 6. It runs but needs a little work & a couple of parts. She's the second owner. $15,000 negotiable.

Spread the love and the news that Great Abundance lives: it manifests in forms we sometimes do not recognize and therefore cannot see.

<table style="width:194px;"><tr><td align="center" style="height:194px;background:url(https://picasaweb.google.com/s/c/transparent_album_background.gif) no-repeat left"></td></tr><tr><td style="text-align:center;font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:11px">Kate's Studabaker</td></tr></table>

My Art at the Emily Morgan Hotel in Downtown SA through November!

2011-08-25T18:07:00.001-05:00

I'm so excited! Three of my recent large acrylic paintings will be on display (and for sale) at the Emily Morgan Hotel's fine Oro Restaurant beginning tomorrow (my birthday...happy BD to me!) through mid-November. It's in downtown SA across the street from the Alamo and has great Texas history (click the link above to read).

Send friendly art collectors with big, empty walls!

Are you a romantic art lover?

2011-08-21T21:52:00.001-05:00

See images from the new show hanging in a sleepy German settlement near San Antonio here! Follow my blog. Support your local artist!

Gallery Sitting

2011-08-21T21:43:00.001-05:00

"House in Kendalia" Acrylic on Board, Buzz Heye

It's 100 degrees. Two AC wall units hum. I'm sitting in a rocking chair on a cement floor inside a tin building that used to be a storage facility that has morphed into a local gallery, The Bulverde Area Art Center. Across the drive from the gallery is Mike's in the Village, a great destination, fine-dining experience with a rich, New Orleans fare. It's located inside a 100 year old structure that used to be a nine pin bowling alley.

At four PM, it's so quiet, I can almost hear the old Germans who settled this area whooping "Strike!" across the landscape. There are six vehicles in the parking lot: one of them is mine and the other five belong to Mike's employees. Before I close the gallery at eight, six or so folks, three couples who've dined at Mikes, will stroll through, toothpicks in hand, nodding and pointing at the art. They won't buy anything. But they should.

This show of local talent celebrates the 175th anniversary of Texas' independence from Mexico, so of course, it features some of Texas' most cliche scenes and images, including the capitol and a longhorn. The featured artist is retired architect, Buzz Heye . His piece titled "House in Kendalia" is my pick for best of show. Of course, Kendalia, an even more rural community than Bulverde located about 15 miles north of here, is one of my favorite spots on earth. I want to live there when I grow up. They don't have stores in Kendalia (well one very small ice house privately owned), especially not Walmart, which I've heard through the grapevine is about to build in Bulverde.

Karl Vaught has captured a near photo-realistic image of the popular "Arneson River Theatre" located in San Antonio on the river walk. While the Arneson Theatre is well-known and often visited by tourists, Robert W. Pettigrew's nostalgic oil on canvas painting of "Twin Sisters," another, even smaller community a few miles further north, depicts the elbow room and pastoral charm of the Hill Country landscape that Texans love. The area is named for the two small hills in the painting. There's nothing else in Twin Sisters except a dancehalle and more land, but that's the point.

Next door to and inside the same building with Mike's is The Bulverde Emporium, a consignment antique shop. I'll let you know there's a spot open for lease in the shop just in case you're interested in doing business. Besides the gallery, Mike's, The Emporium, a privately owned ice house, a post office, a couple of small business park strip centers, a courthouse, and a private air strip there's not much going on here in downtown Bulverde. Now if you go out onto Hwy. 281 at the intersection of Hwy. 46 about five miles from here, you'll see the world you know closing in on this sleepy German settlement: Home Depot, a Super HEB (grocery), Chevron & Exxon gas stations, banks, schools, and soon, a Walmart.

Progress. It makes me sad. And, I'm glad I no longer have to drive the twenty miles back to "town" (San Antonio) I used to have to drive for groceries.

You may be able to tell my age by my sentiment. Good. If you share any of it and you feel drawn to a simpler time, a slower paced culture, you can find a taste of it here. The paintings are like a dream within a dream, the primary dream being the historical property and quaint setting in which they find themselves hanging.

Bring a date. Come see the art. Dine at Mike's. Invite yourself to leave your i-phone at home & step back in time for a while.

"Arneson River Theatre" Oil on canvas, Karl M. Vaught

Entrances to Mike's in the Village & Bulverde Emporium

Emporium window panes

Adjacent landscape

Gallery exterior with antique tools

Gallery exterior

Gallery tin ceiling

Gallery rocking chairs

"Twin Sisters" Oil on Canvas, Robert W. Pettigrew

Healing Touch Level 1 Class in DFW Area Coming Soon!

2011-08-20T21:24:00.001-05:00

http://dellisphelps.blogspot.com/2011/08/healing-touch-level-1-class-coming-soon.html#.TlBrkLPiMik.mailto

Healing Touch Level 1 Class Coming Soon in DFW Area

2011-08-20T21:20:00.000-05:00

Target Audience

Healing Touch is a nursing based continuing education program for registered nurses, physicians, body therapists, counselors, psycho-therapists, other health professionals, and individuals desiring an in-depth understanding and practice of healing work using energy based concepts.

Healing Touch Program Description

A course of study toward a certificate of completion in Healing Touch (HT) which in-corporates a variety of basic to advanced healing modalities. The program is sequenced in 6 levels allowing participants to move from beginner to advanced practitioner, expert and instructor. Certification as a Healing Touch Practitioner and Instructor is available on application following completion of course work and additional requirements.

Level I Description

Level 1 begins with 16-18 continuing education contact hours of instruction, allowing persons with varying backgrounds to enter, acknowledge their previous learning and to further develop concepts and skills in energy-based therapy. A strong commitment to personal growth is required.

The participant will learn how to:

· Describe the human energy system relationship to physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health.

· Discuss energy principles basic to HT.

· Assess the energy field and energy centers.

· Identify a basic Healing Touch sequence.

· Demonstrate specific intervention techniques used in Healing Touch.

· Discuss applications of Healing Touch in personal and professional practice

Level I Course Content

· Energy system concepts related to health

· Basics of the energy system, energy field and energy centers

· Location and function of the chakras

· Assessment of the energy field and energy centers

· Meditation for centering and maintaining energetic flow

· Principles and practice of Healing Touch

· Selected intervention techniques: Basic Healing Touch Sequence, Magnetic Passes, Magnetic Clearing, Chakra Connection (1 on 1, 2 on 1, self), Headache Techniques (tension, migraine, sinus), Ultra Sound, Laser, Chakra Spread, Scudder (Optional), Mind Clearing (Optional)

· Principles of self-healing

· Personal development as a healer

· Legal and professional aspects of touch therapies

16 Continuing Education Contact Hours

Workshop Information

Schedule:Oct 15&16 OR Nov 12&13

8:30a-6:00p

Location: Flower Mound, TX

Coordinator: Karen Russell, HTCP

Kbrussellemt@yahoo.com

817.781.3387

Instructor: Susan E. Russell, BS, LMT, HTCP/

Susan Emily Russell was born on a basic training camp and grew up as an Army Brat in some pretty exotic locations. This nomadic lifestyle, along with her Viennese mother, allowed Susan to observe and enjoy peoples of many cultures, and adopt an altruistic nature in her early years. She learned to cherish our similarities while relishing our differences, and is most fortunate to see beauty in each face she sees. Susan gladly suffers from Chronic Girl Scout Syndrome, being well prepared to do a good deed daily and leave things better than she finds them.

Susan graduated with a BS in Medical Technology in 1980 & worked in clinical laboratories in a variety of settings, including oncology and rheumatology. She trained in massage therapy and other modalities, and was licensed in Texas in 1992, and was nationally certified and licensed in Florida in 2001. Always recognizing herself as an observer and facilitator, Susan began her studies as a healer in 2000 with her first Healing Touch seminar. In December 2004 she was awarded Certification as a Healing Touch Practitioner, and became an Instructor in September 2006.

Registration Form

Healing Touch Level 1

Flower Mound, TX

Oct 15&16 OR

Nov 12&13

Name: ____________________________________

Address: __________________________________

City: ______________________________________

State: __________________ Zip: ______________

Home Phone: ______________________________

Work Phone: ______________________________

E-Mail: __________________________________

Please check one of the following:

 Regular Tuition - $365

 HTPA or AHNA Member Tuition - $340

 Student - $255

 Repeat - $255

$ Amount Enclosed (min. deposit $100)

Register Early!

Enrollment Limited!

Can you bring a massage table?  Yes  No

Make checks payable to: MorganWillowLLC

Send to: Karen Russell

7000 Oakfeild Corner Crt

N Richland Hills, TX 76182

OR Call Susan to pay via PayPal invoice

830.890.5207

Level 1

Flower Mound, TX

Oct 15&16 OR

Nov 12&13

New poetry gathering by the gate like deer at dusk waiting to feed

2011-08-18T17:10:00.001-05:00

Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4

blip of grace

after Martha K. Grant

contentment stands in the corner

her arms crossed like a school marm

watching me squirm—used to this kind of

wild mind tantrum she is completely

unmoved

thought has flipped the light-heart-switch &

i'm in the dark again

i've already run my hands along every

familiar wall: you shouldn't have done that, say you're sorry maybe if i just get some sleep perhaps a bit of dark chocolate will do it i know i should go for a run

but no

i still can't see a thing

i call out: is anybody there?

no response

anybody? i say louder

nothing

i pace in circles now

bent slightly at the waist

my arms— probes groping the air

my eyes—radar sweeping the screen for a

blip of grace

my soul—a sonar pinging the

void

Creating a Buddha Field

2011-07-26T17:24:00.001-05:00

Om Mani Pedme Hum:

In early 2007, I met the strongest, toughest, most gentle man I've ever met. I can truly say I love him. I mean, I don't know him that personally, but I love the concepts for living he and his practice of the martial arts embody. He was my Kung Fu Sensei.

I only studied with him for a few weeks. "Why only a few weeks," you ask. I now know, that what he was teaching me-to take up my own space, to be centered and strong in my own space, and to deflect aggression with graceful, inner power are still life lessons I am learning. But, apparently, at that time, I was not ready. I was finishing an internship to get my massage license, I was taking Level 3 of the Healing Touch Program's path to certification, and I was fighting cancer, but I didn't know it.

Spirit's Way is mysterious. If I had not experienced the extreme fatigue that came upon me like boulders falling in an avalanche after week five or so of Kung Fu, I might not have pursued the diagnosis. I'd had a small, but painful, lesion growing on my perineum for years. I'd had three different medical doctors (none of them GYN Board Certified) look at the lesion and pass it off as "nothing." I'd learned to live with the pain, but it was definitely interferring with my sex life.

Anyway, after focusing my martial intent on a huge bag upon which I placed the face of my father (more about that later), and kicking the screaming bezeeberz out of it, I came away from class feeling "better than I had in my whole life.," meaning empowered, strong, confident, capable, and liberated. I remember saying that to a client. Then boom. I was flattened by debilitating fatigue. I could barely finish my internship.

Grant you, the fatigue had come and gone before school and I had questioned whether I'd have enough stamina to do the work, but I'd been determined, an over-achiever to the death. And that's what it felt like, like I was dying. Well, I was. At my root, cells were growing out of control and by the time they were surgically removed in late '07, they were at Stage Four-that's a nebulous demarkation right before they say, "You have XYZ cancer."

Now I say this: WOMEN! ALWAYS SEE A BOARD CERTIFIED GYNECOLOGIST EVERY YEAR! Thank God, I did.

Yesterday, four years later, I found myself in my backyard, punching the beezeeberz out of a human who was non-physically present (I won't say his name, but it IS a HE) with serious martial intent (that's martial arts code for I'm going to kick your ass now). Why? Because, the memory of myself playing a vicitim's role with that human and sufferring violence at his hand had surfaced with a vengence and I wanted to clear it out of my field without hurting anyone while at the same time, empowering myself. No telling how many times I will have to dispell that memory and others while at the same time not perpetuating the cycle of violence and my belief in it: judge, blame, punish, and attack. No telling, But I am willing.

I want to be clear. Without blocks, Without misguided notions that do not serve the Highest Good, my Highest Good. Think I have my work cut out for me? Yep.

So, I came home from doing Healing Touch sessions this afternoon and began pecking around on the internet for information about St. Germain because a client had told me they'd seen an angel in the room with us and I thought it might have been St. Germain (and the violet flame), as I had asked for his presence today. As usual, I was lead (by Google and my preferences; btw, I love that they call those "cookies!") to this familiar version of the Tibetan compassion meditation on the "zenguidedmeditation" You-Tube channel.

According to visuals embedded in the video, the following are english concepts associated with the sanscrit words of the mantra: OM-generosity, ma-ethics, ni-patience,pad-diligence, mi-renunciation,hum-wisdom. Another source, Awakening the Buddha Within, by Lama Surya Das says it means: the jewel in the lotus (which might be the concepts above) and is the "divine mantra of unconditional love and compassion." I like both interpretations, and have used the mantra over these last four years continuously, especially when I cannot get MIND to think my way out of what I FEEL, which is mostly always. According to Das, the mantra is used to "create a Buddha field." That sounds like a really good idea in this case.

Back to yesterday's anger. What MIND told me I needed was an apology from the perpetrator. I would need to use force to get that and it would create chaos not resolution. So, I asked for clarity and punched the air. Later, on FaceBook, two different posts of folks I follow mentioned unconditional love. And today, again, here comes a reminder of unconditional love. Oh! Maybe that's it. Ya think?

I think I'm going to listen again. And again. And again. And, I'm going to find my Kung Fu man because now, I think I'm ready!

Blending with Spirit

2011-07-18T11:57:00.001-05:00

Come join me at Viva! Books (San Antonio, Texas) this Saturday for some meditative art-play. 1-3PM, $20. Click here to learn more.

Calico kitty on my lap(top)!

2011-07-18T11:52:00.001-05:00

There were 13 windows open and my puter was smokin! If I hadn't come in to my studio when I did, this kitty might have used her last life and burned my house down to boot. Why is she doing this today? She's never done it before. Besides, it's over a hundred degrees outside.

A Creative Afternoon with D Phelps: Subtle Energy: A Doorway to Healing and Art as Prayer | Viva! Bookstore at Viva Galleria

2011-07-06T12:24:00.001-05:00

Start: 07/23/2011 1:00 pm

End: 07/23/2011 3:00 pm

In this 2-hour, process-oriented, hands-on, meditative-creative experience participants will learn and practice the Healing Touch Connection with D Phelps, BFA, LMT, Healing Touch Practitioner Apprentice, as a way of settling inward and becoming present to one's own subltle energy field and energy center known as chakras. The practice can be used as a calming aid in stressful circumstances, as a sleep aid, as an aid to self-healing during illness, as an aid to improved wiellness and, as in this class, as a doorway to creataivity.

We must limit attendeance to fifteen participants. Call us to register, please. Cost is $20.00 which includes a $5.00 supply fee.

Location:

Street:
8407 Broadway St

City:
San Antonio
,
Province:
Texas

Postal Code:
78209-1101

Country:
United States

via vivabooks.com

I'm delighted to be working with Viva! again this summer. Join me for this delicious, artful experience of the Divine.

Your Body Remembers || Massage Therapy Articles

2011-07-05T13:52:00.001-05:00

via massagetherapy.com

One of the ways I can do a Healing Touch Intake Interview is to gently hold each of the body's major and minor chakras (root, sacral, solar plexus, spleen, heart, throat, brow, crown and each joint) while remaining centered and grounded, allowing the client to "report" whatever" memory arises. It's very interesting and can be quite revealing, especially to the client!
www.dellisphelps.com

Subtle Energy as a Doorway to Creativity: A Workshop with D at Viva! Books, San Antonio, Texas July 23, 2011

2011-07-04T16:37:00.001-05:00

Come play with me! July 23, 2011 from 1-3PM. $20 includes supplies Limited to 15 participants Call Viva! to register 210.826.8321

In this 2-hour, process-oriented, hands-on, meditative-creative experience participants will learn and practice the Healing Touch Self-Chakra Connection as a way of settling inward and becoming present to one's own subltle energy field and energy centers known as chakras. The practice can be used as a calming aid in stressful circumstances, as a sleep aid, as an aid to self-healing during illness, as an aid to improved wellness and, as in this class, as a doorway to creativity.

I'll give a brief introduction to materials then guide our practice of settling inward after which we will work in silence on paper with chalk pastels, watching form emerge and listening for clues from the universe. At the end of the two hours we will share our experiences.

Viva! Books, 8407 Broadway St, San Antonio, Texas,78209-1101

Click here for more info about what's happening at Viva!!

Young Writer's Idea Box

2011-06-10T15:09:00.001-05:00

Teachers can use this boxed set of twenty-two creative writing lessons and prompts as a stand-alone classroom writing center or for whole group instruction or both!

Subscribe to this blog and leave the comment, "This educator loves it!" under this thread to be entered in a drawing for a chance to win your own free classroom set! (Forthcoming, 2011), then click to get your free sample here!

Help me get published! Subscribe to my blog then re-post & share with friends.

2011-06-08T17:48:00.001-05:00

I'll enter all subscribers in a drawing for a free Energetic Balancing session.

Do the math: if each of my 124 FB friends clicks once and shares my subscribe request on their wall and one of their friends clicks once and shares with their friends on their wall and that happens ONLY FOUR TIMES then I am within 8 subscribers of my 1,000 subscriber goal within minutes. Let's see how fast the internet can change this writer's life. Only 994 clicks to go!

Lost in Cyber-crowd need subscribers to find way out!

2011-06-08T17:32:00.001-05:00

Goal: 1,000 subscribers before 9AM Sunday. Drop clicks not crumbs! Pitching to an agent and need to be seen....

Lost in Cyber-crowd need subscribers to find way out!

2011-06-07T21:30:00.001-05:00

Goal: 1,000 subscribers before 9AM Sunday. Drop clicks not crumbs! Pitching to an agent and need to be seen....

Yeehaw! I'm publised in Texas Poetry Calendar 2012!

2011-06-06T13:03:00.001-05:00

Along with 95 other stellar Texas poets. Order your copy here: http://dosgatospress.org/

Some Tide Turning: Writing Through Backlash

2011-06-06T12:53:00.001-05:00

backlash: in metaphysics, a contrasting experience to joy, the psyche's way of reminding the mind of it's habitual way of being

A queasy sense of impending doom terrorizes me. Again and again I return-rest in meditation, telling my mind, This is it. No more. Nothing else. I practice mortality, sinking in as if death has come, waiting at tether's end for my Guide to sever the sliver chord, release my soul from all earthly attachment.

Otherwise, when I engage, watching events go by on this plane, I am like the mud hen ducks that flying back and forth across the backyard sky looking for water, a place to land, to float, to be at home. I feel a sense of urgency to do, become, work, accomplish. A tyrrant voice speaks demanding: More! More! More! I wake at 1 at 3 AM, wander the catacombs, stretch and sigh, tell myself Not now. My husband sleeps, snoring in his room. I am safe. He is not dead.

I fear financial ruin, a life without him of lonely isolation, emotional annihilation. Then, some sanity speaks: Perhaps there is Grace. If I were to have to endure such pain, maybe Angels of Mercy would fly to my beached soul, hover my brokenness, sprinkle my shards with living water until somehow I am re-membered by a thousand helping hands and some tide turning.

This is the fear, the reason I push myself out from under this tree at all: these words are not enough. Of course not! my practical mind agrees. Look. William Carlos Williams was an M.D. with a full practice. Li-Young Lee, a warehouse worker because he did not want to teach. You have not published your book. You do not have "followers" on your blog. You have debilitating self-doubt because of all this rejection. And you would still, even if you did publish a book or ten.

So, the One Who Craves Safety, the One Who Fears the Unknown, the One Who Shrinks from Standing Boldfaced at the Edge says, Give up all this striving. Come with me to the hiding place. I will keep you safe. We'll work at Home Depot. We'll have regular hours and regular pay and we'll do a good job and get easy back pats. No more of this craving recognition and applause. Simple contentment will satisfy. Quit.

Maybe, I think really, failure would be a relief, much easier than all this humiliation. To say blithely, Oh! I gave all that up. Like it was my healthy choice, a burden I no longer choose to carry. I work at Home Depot now in the home decor department. And I'd never have to explain that. People would get it. I'd never have to write another clever query with a hook or an artist's statement fluffed with profundity. I'd never have to be the only one on the block who can feel this ubiquitous, undulating, massive wave of human sorrow rising within me.

And there it is: "the queasy sense of impending doom" does not belong to me alone. It is cultural, planetary, orininating from the race-mind. It is the Mississippi bleeding out. It is a Japanese woman's wail. It is a soldier commanding his hands to kill. It is a road-rage shooting on I-35. It is the senseless assassination of an officer by blind fear of living. It is the last breath of the fawn born yesterday at dawn bleeting ceaslessly, unable to stand and nurse. It is the doe hooving the earth where her fawn lay until last night when Earth Man's breaking heart had to bag the creature in the dark and carry it away because he could not bear to see the vultures come.

New Poetry under what i write tab

2011-06-02T23:47:00.001-05:00

i knew i would miss the georgia woods...read it and let me know what you think!

Physician Heal Thyself

2011-05-26T16:43:00.001-05:00

Look at this! It's really happening! I have been visualizing this piece of my property dripping with birds and wind chimes, bronze sculptures, and crunchy pathways, hanging vines and Elementals for AGES! Apparently, I'm ready to receive because my neighbor built the trellis shown here as support for the native Mustang grape vine last week and Earth Man is helping him install it. I got so happy about this that a couple of days ago, in the blistering hot, I swung a pick axe (something I haven't been physically able to do well for years) ALLLL day leveling a spot for the patio bricks upon which the trellis will rest and under which I will happily sit, espeically in the morning with coffee. I now have a perfect spot for Mom's wind chime, the pink one with the hummingbird clackers and a tenor voice.

So much good is happening now. I have made a transition and I know it. I feel happy most days. Wait. Did I just say that? YES! I did. Wow. I can remember the day a few years ago (maybe ten) when I sat on a cement sidewalk with a woman I know saying that happiness had eluded me most of my life. And it has. I had no idea how to be and stay in joy, how to lighten up, though many, many, many well-intended individuals have advised me to do so. They just didn't know how to help me do it.

I don't take credit for the emotional sense of well being I am now experiencing more often than not (the credit goes to the Highest Understanding), but I do take credit for the willingness and the steadfast perseverance I've held to do the "work" of individuation and the courage I've had (that has been granted me) to walk the dark mystery of personal spiritual growth, turning time and time again away from the problem (my mind) toward the solution, which is Spirit.

Two years ago this month, I came under the care of San Antonio DO, Donna Becker (http://www.antiagingsa.com). I was a mess. I am eternally grateful for her wisdom and careful attention to my needs. I highly recommend her. She adjusted my hormone levels with bio-identical hormones and encouraged me to continue my journey toward healing, telling me that it was indeed possible, and pointing me to the book From Fatigued to Fantastic.

I followed her instructions and those of the book, receiving an actual TMJ dysfunction remedy by San Antonio orthodontist Dr. Risto Hurme, (www.tmjsanantonio.com), letting my body rest, receiving Healing Touch and Rolfing, and finally in March of '11 giving up sugar (almost succeeded in giving up caffeine, but not quite yet).

Also, I've just returned, for example, from a retreat in the Georgia woods where I studied Healing Touch (HT) Level Four, received the gifts of eight consecutive sessions of HT with other students, walked the Labyrinth (twice), walked the woods, and listened deeply to the river and to myself. I was moved, literally, into a new vibrational level. My poem on the "what i write page" of this site was written there. I have written several since.

This weekend, I studied again, this time a version of cranio sacral therapy as a compliment to my HT practice and learning. Again, I met powerful, authentic women and experienced a Great Movement within me. More later. Today, I received a long distance session from the therapist who taught the class, and together, we identified a somatic trauma pattern that I've long held and that I've known (sensed) was present but couldn't budge without help. I sensed its movement within me today and felt it shift. YES! YES! YES! Positively orgasmic these holistic ways of being present to the Self so that the self can heal.

Further, I've seen a practitioner within the last month who gave me an Electrodermal Screening and identified possibile patterns/blockages for me/with me for which I've been receiving herbal and homeopathic remedies for about 18 days. And, since I found www.tomkenyon.com (reknowned sound healer), I've been doing a specific meditation his guides recommend for receiving Light Source Energy Medicine. At any rate, I am feeling positive, clear, focused, motivated, energetic, and grounded. Good. Plus, my physical stamina becomes stronger by the day as I've added vigorous exercise into my days (and for about six years prior to 2011, any physical exertion at all created a serious back lash in my body that felt like the flu).

I'm simply amazed and full of gratitude.

So, your guess is as good as mine as to the actual fulcrum for my present state of expanded awareness, but I'll take it! Yessiree, I'll take it!

Offering

2011-05-17T16:07:00.001-05:00

I am offering an hour long Healing Touch Session (not massage) at my new San Antonio space for a suggested donation of $25 to the first ninety-three clients who schedule an appointment with me. I will be receiving four clients per day at 9 and 10:30 AM and 12:30 and 2PM (except for occasions when my schedule may vary) and I will be working from the West Ave. space every other Tuesday and Friday (Tuesday one week and Friday the next except when my schedule varies).

I am delighted to be sharing space with Carol Masters, RN, LMT, Reiki Practitioner! The space is comfortable, generous and somewhat centrally located in the Commons West professional office building. Here is a Google Maps link to the location: 11230 West Ave. #2207, SAT 78213 .

During the first session (unless I have seen you before), I will do a fifteen minute intake interview to determine your healing goals and get a brief health history and you will receive a forty-five minute hands-on session on the table that includes time for feedback at the end of the session. In subsequent sessions (yes, you can book more than one and in fact I encourage it because the power of subtle energy work is cumulative), the update is much shorter, allowing more time for hands-on interventions.

Healing Touch interventions address the client's health holistically from a mental, physical, emotional, and psychological level. Interventions are done with the client fully clothed and resting comfortably on a massage table with meditative music and dim lighting. I may also use therapeutic grade essential oils as part of your session. My hands will either rest lightly on or slightly off the body as we work together. Most clients feel deeply relaxed and centered durng and after a session, and may experience sensations of warmth, cold, tingling, movement, vibrations, etc. Most achieve a deep state of relaxation and often sleep. Reasons to seek Healing Touch are myriad, but Healing Touch is especially effective for helping manage pain, realeasing emotional/psychological blocks, decreasing the need for medical/pharmaceutical interventions or increasing the effectiveness of those treatments. Research shows that surgical patients recover more quickly and need less medication for pain. Generalize fatigue and stiffness can also be eliminated and or improved with Healing Touch. And when a person cannot receive massage, Healing Touch is an excellent alternative. For more information about the Healing Touch Program specifically, click www.healingtouchprogram.com. To view a YouTube introduction to Healing Touch, click here.

If you have never received energy work before, I encourage you to give this a try. You can't beat the cost and you will be doing me a favor! I need to document one hundred sessions of Healing Touch in order to complete the HT certification process. I can work with five clients long distance (by telephone) or on animals as well. Please email (dellisphelps@gmailcom), comment on this post, or call me (830-515-9204) to book your appointment and suggest this powerful opportunity to a friend.

Gifts of Mutual Tending

2011-05-17T13:28:00.001-05:00

I shared the first freshly harvested, sea-salted cucumber (not pictured here b/c it's gone already!) with my Earth Man (new name for Mr. Friendly because it fits better and because he didn't like the sarcastic inuendo and I don't blame him) last night at dusk. It tasted sweet, more like a melon, not bitter at all, yum! It was an especially significant communion (I ate from one end and he from the other) because the veggie garden is a project we created together on a section of our homestead acre that we've previously argued violently over how to cultivate. This year, for the first time since we moved here in 1982, we worked TOGETHER to till the soil, remove the limestones, buy the plants, dig, weed, water and nurture our crop. We grieved together when the deer got into the gate and pulled every freshly planted specimen up by the roots and gasped in horror at the black frost-bite on the tomatoes and peppers the weekend before Easter. When Earth Man comes home from his work in the world, he cannnot wait to strip bare-chested, dawn camo shorts and flip-flops and flee to the garden. But most importantly, neither can I wait to be there with him, whereas in the very recent past, television, email, and phone calls kept us living together but not sharing intimate time or space.

What if this outward and visible sign is indicative of an inward and spiritual grace? What if the winter of our thirty year marriage is over. Can it be that we are finally rooted, committed and willing to be careful with our own tender souls? Can it be that our tears have fed our soil, that the weeds will no longer thrive but instead that we will bloom and harvest the gifts of our mutual tending.

Untitled

2011-05-11T10:40:00.001-05:00

Go to the mountain inside and breathe...

Untitled

2011-05-11T10:23:00.001-05:00

Like the mighty cypress, may you be rooted in core earth energy and fed by the Great Flowing River today.

Blessing

2011-05-05T09:50:00.001-05:00

May the wide blue sky bloom wispy white cloudlings all over you today!

21 Days Sugar-free

2011-04-13T18:33:00.000-05:00

I have known for a long time that granulated sugar is poisonous in the body. I have also known that I should stop using it, but, even though I've abstained from sugar for years at a time before, I haven't been able to do so completely and forever. And for the last year and four months, I've been eating a healthy (and I use that term very loosely) dose daily in the form of cookies, chocolate bars (especially Snickers and Turtles), Hagen Das ice cream and Starbucks vanilla lattes. I mean, dark chocolate is good for me. Right? It has all those antioxidants and acts like morphine in the blood stream. Ahhh! The point.

Yes, I'm addicted. For thirty plus years, I have abstained from alcohol and other pharmaceutical mind altering drugs. Well, I did use anti-depressants for a couple of years, a few years ago until I gained twenty pounds and felt more depressed than ever. How is that helpful? Create a drug designed to alleviate depression but make the drug deaden your ability to have orgasm, give you insomnia and anxiety, and make you gain weight not to mention that you might kill yourself because now you are not only depressed but suicidal.

Anyway, I also eat a gluten-free diet and avoid dairy. There are very good reasons for those choices but that is a topic for another day. What I mean to say is that I have precious few feel-good, "take-me-away-Calgon" food choices left if I don't eat sugar. Well, there's still caffeine. Right? Wrong.

Caffeine and I itch and zing. Plus the dirty bastard picks me up like a roller coaster and drops me like a rock. So does sugar. So what? Every addict knows that's the whole point. UP! No matter how far down you have to go afterward, UP! or mellow, not feeling what you WERE feeling is what matters.

So for thirty years at least, I've known that I use sugar and caffeine as a substitute for alcohol. There's no shame in that. In fact, some wise individuals helped me learn how to use them as substitutes when I decided not to drink again. It worked along with lots of other interventions.

"Why quit doing what works now," you ask. Apparently, I'm being called through my body to a higher plane of existence. Do I go there voluntarily? No. I go there because what I was doing doesn't work anymore. Period. Despite five years of medically unexplainable debilitating fatigue (Oh! Sure. Docs have wrapped a name around it but can't find the root of it), despite unwanted weight gain and clear signs of allergic reaction (especially coughing) to the use of the two drugs together (sugar & caffeine), despite profound manic-like spikes and dips in energy, despite a bought with cancer and the knowledge I have that cancer feeds on sugar, I have been determined not to give up one more blessed thing until I have to do so. Did I mention I quit smoking too? You see how I might be resistant to letting go of these two VERY DEAR substances.

But, now I have to. Turns out I've had a low grade bacterial (and viral, but I knew about that one) infection for who knows how long. Bacteria and viruses feed on sugar. Coffee and sugar acidify the system. Foreign organisms thrive in an acidic environment. (Read Alkalize or Die: Superior Health Through Proper Alkaline-Acid Balance). On top of that, I'd begun to be less and less able to breathe deeply (or even at all sometimes) without coughing and noticed that the "coughing fits" almost always followed (drum roll...) my morning, afternoon, and evening cups of straight-up, leaded, espresso-like coffee. Yes, I made the brew stronger and stronger with each passing week, buying special whole beans, grinding them fresh every morning to get the most flavor and, let's face it, kick!

Why quit 21 days ago? What's so life-changing about March 24, 2011? That's the day I had to begin a cycle of two, count them, two antibiotics to kill the bacteria I was so successfully growing. Not okay.

So I quit. Cold turkey on the sugar (still eating high glycemic index foods but not granulated sugar or honey, so give me a break!) and have weaned down to quarter-caff coffee twice a day. Whew! What a ride.

I'm pissed off in a flash at every indiscretion. It happened yesterday on the phone with a customer service representative from an organization I'd joined who refused to refund my money. I never do that. I'm the passive one in the back (mostly, unless I'm not and I'm in your face). My point is, my passion has surfaced and I can't think of a way to ameliorate it's whims. And maybe I shouldn't. Maybe all that fatigue was really me trying to hold ALL THAT back. And there's a lot. I mean I'm the locomotive off its tracks in my recent dream. I'm the gargantuan, red elephant in another charging.

What am I going to do with all this energy, drive, and ambition that I've been drugging for so long?

Watch out, Baby. Here I come!

Visual Art Portfolio Recent work

2011-01-04T13:32:00.000-06:00

A Mantra for Tough Times

2011-01-03T13:25:00.000-06:00

When you give voice to the truth within you, the angels also sing.

Lama Surya Das

Being Southern Baptist and baptized twice as a child, becoming agnostic as a young adult, returning to Christianity in mid-life as an Episcopalian and the as a Methodist while processing through a discernment about becoming a traditional Christian minister led me to abandon all of the above and seek an alternative spirituality.

Engaging in the study of the Human Energy Field, becoming a Licensed Massage Therapist, and integrating that body of knowledge into my work as an artist-educator is my ordination. Helping myself, the planet, and others heal is my ministry.

I don’t know about you, but walking the human path of ordinary days is challenging enough for me. Between birth and death, I will walk many roads, each with its own landscape. But in these economically, environmentally, and politically tough times it is easy for me to be convinced that remaining centered, not allowing apparent pitfalls and distractions to rob me of a fearless life full of joy and contentment is impossible.

What do you mean “apparent pitfalls and distractions?” My problems aren’t apparent. The problems of the earth aren’t apparent. They’re real, you say. That’s just my point. Yes, the experiences we have are real. We are having them. Incomes fluctuate or disappear, bodies become ill, accidents happen. But beyond all that, beyond the noise of those experiences and the passionate responses we allow them to evoke in us, is another reality. The Reality.

That is “the truth within” of which Lama Surya Das speaks. The Truth is that we are not merely our physical bodies. We are much more and the influence we have as beings on the planet reaches far beyond our bodies. Our thoughts have power. What we focus upon changes the apparent reality we eventually experience.

Whatever I am thinking about strongly becomes my meditation and therefore my prayer because it sets up a certain vibration within me to which other like vibrations are attracted. In other words, if I walk around all day harboring anger, I am producing in a real-time, physiological way, negative vibrations in my body, in the physical space around me (my auric field), and on and on into the atmosphere in the same way a light beam never stops. It is simply not enough then to make a supplication to God to bless the one at whom I am angry. If I vibrate angry, I emit and attract angry or some other negative vibration of the same quality.

The only way any God can help change that vibration is for me to summon, focus upon, and then resonate “the truth within” which is of the Highest Vibration. This allows the Highest Vibration to change me from the inside out, remembering for me, through me who I Truly Am. It’s a quantum shift. The problem didn’t arise from the apparent level, so it’s no use me trying to “solve” it from the apparent level. I have to choose to enter the non-physical dimension and trust the mystery of its workings.

Using a mantra is one way to do this. A mantra is to meditation as the gadget is to a web page: an easy way to get where you want to go in order to achieve a task. These sacred words of extreme power have been used for millennia to shift energies for the Highest Good in the individual practitioner and in the atmosphere. It is not necessary to focus on the literal translation of the words. In fact, it is not advisable, as the purpose is to lift the mind-body-spirit out of the literal world.

So, the next time you find yourself clogged, befuddled, tense, or simply undone try this:

Wherever you are simply begin by intentionally turning your mind away from thinking about “the problem,” and begin to sing or chant the following mantra. It is a Tibetan mantra, the divine mantra of unconditional love and compassion. The words literally mean “the jewel in the lotus.” Make up your own tune or say it in a rhythmic, patterned way.

Om Mani Pedmé Hung. Om Mani Pedmé Hung. Om Mani Pedmé Hung.

Try doing this for as many minutes in a row as you can manage. Even one minute of chanting can make amazing, palpable shifts in your perception of and experience of your world.

Reference:

Awakening the Buddha Within Tibetan Wisdom for the Western World

Lama Surya Das, Broadway Books, New York, 1998.

A Light of Great Beauty

2010-09-23T13:41:00.000-05:00

I have been revisiting the Course In Miracles 3rd as a tool for morning meditation. Occasionally, when I settle back into stillness, I begin to "hear" a straightforward communication from my guides. I do not hear an audible voice, but instead a stream of coherent thought occurs. This is how Helen Schucman, the author of the Course describes her own experience, as merely taking a sort of dictation. Much of the follow thought I offer is as a result of my twenty year study of the Course and how its teachings have integrated my spiritual understanding. However, this "block" of teaching I received is written here exactly as I received it during my meditation and is not contrived or composed as an essay might be. To my knowledge, there is only one direct quote from the Course in this teaching and it appears in quotation marks and is from Lesson 31 on page 48 in the Workbook for Students. It is a particularly pivotal lesson in my own spiritual growth process, one to which I often turn for changing my mind and calling forth the "Holy Instant."

You will notice that the pronoun "I" is used in the first paragraph as the voice of the ego self and in the second paragraph as the voice of the Teacher. In the Course, the teacher's voice is identified as The Christ. When I dowse to discern whose voice is coming through during this dictation, my guides indicate that it is also the voice of The Christ.

Now you know, if you have been reading my blog, that I have great doubt, even resistance to current religious context for The Christ. Nevertheless, the teachings of The Christ do form the foundation for my spiritual understanding and my studies have shown, along with direct knowings like this one, that the same Great Wisdom that spoke through The Christ has also spoken throughout history, incarnate in many teachers, and continues to speak in the present day to and through those "who have ears to hear" and courage to speak.

So, it is with deep gratitude and profound humility that I offer to you what has been give to me. Perhaps the Truth of this teaching will be of value to you as well.

August 27, 2010

Meditation Dictation

It is not my job to change the world I see because the world I see is illusion. It is only my job to correct the errors I have made in my perception of the world I see. What I think I see may not be so. I set down the burden of decision. It is not my job to decide what is so and what is not so. I have only to look on All Things with Love. That is enough. I do not have the eyes of Love. But there is One Who Loves who will see through me for me if I will let Her.

Bodies die and decay yet I am alive. Do not look with the body's eyes. They cannot see. Only I can see Truly. Beyond the veil of flesh and appearances shines a Light of Great Beauty. Do not hold it bound. You cannot. But you can choose not to see. That choice does not dim the Light at all. You are the Light and not the darkness, "not the victim of the world you [have] seen." Let the moment come when All That You Are is all that you see.

when i get to the other side

2010-09-08T17:06:00.001-05:00

THE DRESS

September 16 will be the one year anniversary of my mom's transition into Light. She has been making her presence known for the past few days.

Last week, I went to lunch with daughter #1 who is getting married next October. She wants to get married in Italy. Mr. Friendly has been struggling with that request, understandably. It's really far from here and you can't drive there not to mention the (ahem!) cost. Note to 50-somethings: save your money! Last July, daughter #2 got married. Mom was alive then. She could not attend the wedding, but she bought THE DRESS. Daughter #2 was a vision in it and Mom was delighted to gift it to her.

When Mom died, she left me a small inheritance. Since daughter #1 has been talking wedding in Italy, I've been saying, "And Mom will spring for the dress!" That felt right and fair and I know Mom would be doing that herself if she were still in her body and had her hands on her check book!

Back to Mr. Friendly and the balking. Daughter # 2 visited San Antonio week before last for my birthday. Over dinner I said, "We have to talk wedding with your sister. I need details." So, she and I grilled Daughter #1 over chips and salsa. Daughter #1, who NEVER drinks at all, had two Coconut Margaritas (yuk! but like I said, she's not a drinker). Daughter #2 had two real Margaritas. I had too many glasses of iced tea. But we got to the crux of it: Daughter #1 is worried that she'll send out the "save the dates" and Mr. Friendly will flake and not actually spring for the Italian wedding.

Okay. Now we're getting somewhere. And you're wondering what this has to do with Mom? Back to lunch last week with Daughter #1. It dawned on me that the price of a dress might go a long way toward a trip for two to Italy (did I mention that THE DRESS was a vision?). I mentioned this possibility with some trepidation as Daughter #1 has a clear vision of what an Italian wedding looks like and I wasn't sure that the dress could be forgone.

I worked up my courage and after lunch, I ventured the plan: I (Mom and Granddaddy too, to be fair, as he died 29 days after Mom last year and also left me a small inheritance) will give you the same "dress-money" as we gave your sister, plus a little so, no matter what, you can go to Italy and get married there.

She loved it. She said, "That feels really good (knowing now she can go and if Mr. Friendly cowboys up for non-essentials like a dress, a photographer, a small reception, so be it).

As soon as I told her, tears began to stream down my face. As I said, "I know Mom will like this too," I began to bawl and so did Daughter #1. The whole truck filled with super-powered love, the kind that swirls and lifts and zooms around. I began to shake. I knew Mom was there and dancing a jig! Daughter #1 hopped out of the truck, renewed with hope of her dream coming true.

Now that's a grandmother's dream too, right? So, just in case I had any doubt that Mom was totally "IN," on the way home the scent of Pine filled the truck. That's the scent she and I agreed her Spirit would have, if she had a choice. I'd sensed it over and over again, first on the morning of the day she died and then for weeks after her transition, but I haven't sensed it for some time now until that day last week. Wow. I began to cry again, these tears a brew of bitter-sweet melancholy and joy. I do miss her so.

Even though I have not sensed the aroma of her Spirit much lately, all sense that I do get of her is deep peace and assurance. Last night I was aware of her Spirit in meditation. I was feeling down. I spoke to her, asking for "help." A few seconds passed and then a song by Walela came to mind from a CD I'd given her a few years ago and which I played some during her memorial: "And when I get to the other side, I'm gonna put on my wings and fly...." Wow. I wasn't thinking of that song at all and then there it was in my head, just that line. I smiled. "So, did you put on your wings and fly?" I asked. The thought, "yes, yes I did" came back. "Good," I said, "Good." "Can you hear me?" I asked. The thought, "yes, yes I can." "I really need some help," I said. The thought, "I am here, but I am not The Christ. Pray to The Christ."

Ahhh! She's still working on me from "the other side" and she's still here for me as she always said she would be.

Apparently, the veil really is very thin.

Creativity Crawls

2010-07-29T22:59:00.001-05:00

New poem yesterday morning:

creativity crawls in slow motion like the
snail up the
doorjamb of my day

her antennae the drum major
her shell the big bass drum

her underbelly a million feet marching

pop the popcorn
drag out the chair
line the streets

a parade is passing!

I sat on the back step with a cup of coffee, the door flung open. I wanted to be outside, but it was drizzling, so this was as close as I could let myself get to wet. I sipped, letting the brown brew purge the sleep from my sluggish head. Wildlife, especially insects, were unperturbed by the rain and busily went about their doings. At my right shoulder, a snail crawled up the doorjamb. They seem to multiply and show themselves after a rain, and with all the rain we've had in South Texas this season, snails are everywhere. So, I almost turned away uninterested.

But I have been re-reading Joy's Way, A Map for the Transformational Journey: An Introduction to the Potentials for Healing with Body Energies in preparation for another Healing Touch class. The M.D., Brugh Joy, who wrote the book thirty-some years ago writes, "The initial task in awakening is to begin to ask whether there is more to experience in any given moment: then to conceive that there may be more; then to experience it; when it is experienced, to conceive that there may be more; and thus to go into the cycle again indefinitely (p. 16)."

So, because the snail had attracted my attention, and because the words "creativity crawls" had flitted through my mind, I asked, is there more? This is a crucial moment, not only in the transformational process, but in the writing process. I got my journal. Well, I don't have a new one and the last one is spent, so I grabbed a used one from the shelf. The last entry was dated November 25, 2009 (one month after the funerals of both my parents). Serendipitously, that entry is also about creature beings! AND it is about the ability to really see them. It is about the ability to really see.

Upon our first meeting, an acquaintance who also happened to be a psychic, had asked whether I'd ever "seen" my power animals. We'd been discussing the sensory ability to smell the scent of discarnate entities. I'd said, "No, I haven't seen my power animals yet." I assumed she wondered if I'd seen them in visions or as shape-shifted entities. I didn't even think about how I see them in the apparent world or during Dreamtime.

I have done some Shamanic Journey work and have drawn my spread of nine totem or power animals from the Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through the Ways of Animals. These represent the medicine I carry on this Earth Walk. All but one of the animals that appeared in my spread are common to this area, so I am aware when I see those particular creature beings, but I sat right there and told the psychic asking me that I'd never seen them. Harumph!

Apparently my mules wanted me to become even more aware of their presences and messages, because within days, one of them appeared to me in a dream:

a beautiful yellow-brown hawk flew over my head, circled me a few times, then landed on the ground beside me. I said "Look! Look! There it is! Isn't it beautiful?" I had been telling someone about power animals when the hawk instantly manifested above me.

A few days after the dream, I saw a sign in a place I have frequented for thirty years that read, "If nothing changes, nothing changes." It made me realize, again, how long I've been playing a "victim's" role, allowing the energetic imbalances and apparent dysfunction of individuals whose lives touch mine to knock me off balance. I came home that day determined to paint, to be true to my highest Self, to be the most expanded version of the Self I have been created to be.

I blocked in a copy of a recent sketch, thinking I would paint something to enter in an upcoming contest. But, no matter how I worked with it, I couldn't force my will onto the canvas. So, I stepped back. Turned the piece upside down. Sat down to stare. Behold! I saw the image of an animal taking shape. As I began to pull the image out, dog appeared! A smiling, yellow Labrador.

Immediately, I went to the Medicine Cards to read about Dog Medicine: Be loyal. Be your own best friend.

Yep, you guessed it. Dog is another of my power animals. My totem for the Above Direction: "teaches me to honor the Great Star Nation, guardian of Dreamtime, my access to other dimensions (Medicine Cards, p. 20)." And Hawk? My Eastern Totem: "guides me to my greatest spiritual challenge, guards my path to illumination (ibid)."

Back to the dream:
I was asking to do work that I really didn't want to do, work that wasn't my work in the world. I knew the two women owners of the gymnasium where I applied for the job. I was playing me, in my present Daydream circumstances, feeling lack and grabbing at any work to get income. I thought, "this job won't really help me. It won't empower me. It will only take me away from my art and my writing and use up all my energy and time." I knew I didn't really want the job, but I was going through the motions of getting it anyway. Repeating a pattern. But Hawk circled overhead. "Circle your life and view it from a higher perspective. Grab an opportunity that is coming your way. Discern the hazards that bar me from my freedom of flight (Medicine Cards, p.45.)"

Wow! So what does it mean to me to fly? How does having power feel? What does it look like to be my own best friend? Can I look beyond appearances of lack and see abundant supply without falling into damaging patterns and belief in fear and lack? WhooAhh! Talk about being guided to my greatest spiritual challenges! Talk about needing to see from a higher perspective!

As for snail? Well, there's no medicine card for snail. But yesterday morning, I think she spoke for herself. And apparently, she has plenty of power!

this is how it goes is finished!

2010-07-24T19:12:00.001-05:00


Click on the image to see all nine painting sessions and the finished piece! TA DA!					C

I Take It Back

2010-07-07T17:12:00.001-05:00

Well, I may let a cosmetician thread my eyebrows. Got a hair cut and (ahem!) color today. I look fabulous except for the eyebrows. Too thick. Too dark. Don't match my hair. Yikes.

Is this even spiritually relevant? I think so. I let you know.

I'm fickle. I'm freckled. I'm graying and I have wrinkles. Attractive. Right? Right! All of the above is attractive. I'm whole. Period. And everything counts. All of the neurosis, all of the profundity, my youth, and my aging. All of the projects I start and don't finish. All of my accomplishments. My understanding and my misunderstanding. The way I love and when I do not love.

Accepting myself as I am without judgment is my practice. Being playful is my practice. Letting go.

So today, when I went to the salon for a hair cut, I thought I might let the gray show, just get highlights of blond. When I told the stylist, she raised a questioning eyebrow. Maybe not, I thought.

Two things happen: 1) I tell myself the story that there are certain ways of being in the world that are "holier" than others like not wearing makeup or letting my hair be natural, not dyed. You know the look: like a yogi, clean, dressed in all white, shining from the inside out. 2) I get confused. I think, If I don't wear makeup, wear 100% cotton all-white clothes, eat healthfully, say the right mantra, and let my hair go natural, I'll be holier, more whole, less contrived.

This thinking means that I have attached APPEARANCES to the Holy and its manifestation. If appearances made one Holy-Whole, white organic cotton would be flying off the racks! People would be texting each other: now trending-white organic cotton! We'd be having burn parties for colorful clothes, chanting in circles around the fire, our bliss unable to be contained.

Unfortunately, it's not that easy to get bliss. Let's face it, being fully human is innately paradoxical. Besides, it was the "shining from within" that really attracted me anyway.

The trick is the "without judgment" part. Can I embrace myself as I am with all my perceived fallacies and limitations and love myself completely anyway? If I do, I'll shine from within. Only then, can I do the same for you, for the planet.

I dyed my hair. I may have my eyebrows threaded (assuming it's not painful!). I might even eat sugar and let an occasional explicative slip (last night they flew out of my mouth like fireworks after I stepped through a spider web and thought it had landed in my hair!).

I am no less holy-whole for it. Because I AM NOT MY BODY. I AM NOT MY MIND. I AM NOT THE JUDGE. None of us are. I may be a mirror for you. I may be your greatest teacher because of who I am and how I live. You may learn acceptance and forgiveness because of me. Who knows?

In the meantime, I get to do what I want to do as long as it does no harm of which I am aware. I have decided, again. I will change my mind often and with great conviction. So there.

Playing with posts

2010-07-04T17:52:00.000-05:00

Instant gratification and I are like this: visualize fingers crossed here.

So. This being Independence Day (Happy Birthday USA), I am figuring out how to blog (write) which is what I really want to do and not repeat myself or have to update six web-sites! I want to put my thoughts on virtual-paper and be done with it. I want to be "connected." I want to keep up, show my pictures, find new friends, and, to be honest, gather readers. All of these are payoffs for social networking in cyberspace. I hope. So I'm in. Finally. After coaxing from many friends and family and much resistance. I'm in. All the way in. Sucked in as one friend put it.

And that's what I don't want.

I'd rather be gardening, like yesterday. Mr. Friendly and I collaborated on a mulching project. I'd weeded the farthermost section of our backyard one more time. I'd spent several hours in the mud, fighting mosquitoes, sweating. I did not want to do it again. Ever.

I convinced Mr. Friendly to help me. We loaded the pick up with a yard of "living mulch." This mulch, I understand, is full of compost so it will not only act as a heat barrier and hold moisture, it will also continuously feed your plants. And your weeds! So we put down a poly-something-or-other barrier that will act as a weed block and probably still be there when our grandchildren are having children!

We perspired together. Got filthy together. Jumped into the pool to cool off together. And fell into bed exhausted. Not together exactly because Mr. Friendly snores. The fifteen linear feet of happily weeded, blocked, and mulched garden looks fabulous. We agreed to do the same to the rest of that garden. Wow! That only took twenty-eight years. Progress!

Anyway, today here I sit at the computer. One, because I wanted to check in with my cyber-community and two, because I'm so sore I can hardly stand up. However, I never want to sit here for long. So, bear with me as I navigate the enigma of how to post in one place and have it magically update everywhere.

I'll keep you posted. Ha!

Gmail - Buzz - dellisphelps@gmail.com

2010-07-04T17:19:00.000-05:00

Gmail - Buzz - dellisphelps@gmail.com

2010-07-04T16:30:00.000-05:00

Gmail - Buzz - dellisphelps@gmail.com

2010-07-04T16:27:00.000-05:00

Gmail - Buzz - dellisphelps@gmail.com

New Poem Today

2010-06-25T14:52:00.000-05:00

outside the cyclone fence

surrounding the space i call home

havoc-happenstance

horrific predictions

(the end is near, again!)

but here in the Cicada's drone-

a long, dry, hum

a rhythmic, Shaman's rattle speaks:

take off your shoes

bare your feet

put your back down

let the earth's spine silence your mind

(it cannot help you now)

only the slow roll of ocean

healing her own wounds

she-a forgiving teacher

repeats:

keep the peace

D. Ellis Phelps, 2010

Surfing twitter after the British Petroleum oil well began spilling oil into the Gulf, I read a comment in response to Obama's notion that rage against BP is counterproductive. The comment, paraphrased, asked, "What am I supposed to do with the rage?"

I've been thinking about that. And today, a question arose from the ether as I wrote in my journal:

"Did the oil vomiting from the earth's core cause the people's rage? Or did the people's rage cause the earth to vomit oil?"

If you are wondering what I mean, read Love Thyself: The Message from Water III (v. 3) by Masaru Emoto. His research indicates that if all of us: individuals, priests, ministers, rabbis, gurus, healers, and people of all faiths would turn our thinking away from rage and distress over the apparent problem in the ocean and literally, prayerfully send the energy of loving-kindness to the water, holding her in our thought in Light and claiming her wholeness by the power of All that is Holy, we could, on this physical plane, by the focus of our thought change the chemical make-up of each Chrystal of water and help the ocean clean itself up. Even better, if we gathered at her shores from all around the world en mass in this effort, we would make an even bigger impact toward her healing.

The converse is also true. If we continue to focus our attention on the problem with rage, we are causing it to worsen.

Of course, I want British Petroleum Company and all governments and scientists around the world to cooperate toward finding a scientific and or mechanical solution to the challenge, but I cannot stress how important it is to our well being as a species and to the well being of the planet that we join our minds in this way. I think this distress, and others like it over the past years are powerful opportunities for us to learn the lesson that we are One, that we are Divine Beings, that connected to our Source, we have the power to heal each other and the planet.

And most importantly, that disconnected from Source, wandering around unaware, allowing our thoughts to focus on negative appearances HAS POWER! ALL THOUGHT HAS POWER with actual, real-time, physical results. The choice we have is how we use our power. And we are using it whether we are conscious of it or not.

I have not asked this before, but now I do. Please send these thoughts forward into the Universe to everyone you know. Send them by email, tweet them, text them, speak them to friends, hold them in your heart, and most importantly, think them. Do it right now.

Settle back, breathe deeply, relax, invite Spirit, set your intention to do no harm, and send loving-kindness to yourself, to each other (even those with whom you are at odds), to British Petroleum Company, and to the waters. Bless All with Divine Intelligence, Harmony, and Peace.

This is what we can do right now, from our own space, every time we think about it, every day until and after the "new apparent problem" is solved. Because this is how we solve the real problem.

If you choose to join me in tandem practice from where you are in this effort, do so at 5:00 PM Greenwich Mean Time or 12 Noon Central Standard Time daily for five minutes.

And so It Is. Aho!

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Walking the Woods Together

2010-06-03T17:42:00.000-05:00

I've been hibernating. It hasn't helped. But I think the worst of the dark energy I've been experiencing is over. For now. This kind of being possessed or beside mySelf, makes me quite humble. It makes me understand "salvation" anew every time it happens.

In fact, ever since the media dethroned Tiger Woods over his sexual indiscretions, I've been wanting to out myself. I mean, let's just get the whole story out there so "my fans" can make up their minds about me right now. I don't feel like waiting until you hear it on the news (now that's not entirely likely since I'm neither a star, a politician, an athlete, nor a priest, but you're following me right?). So here goes.

The truth is, I'm completely human with deep flaws. I have profound thoughts and sick ones. Sometimes I feel fearful, depressed, morbid even. Sometimes I'm sure that All is Well. I'm more balanced than not most of the time these days. But I have done drugs (not for thirty years) and delightfully so. I've drunk too much and driven that way (also not for thirty years, in fact I haven't had a drink at all for that long) and thrown up lots. I've kissed someone underage and given them pot. I've kissed another woman (well, actually we were girls then and figuring out how to kiss among other things). I've kissed a cousin or two (almost lost my virginity to one of them). I've had multiple extra-marital affairs (another not for thirty years-as you may have guessed, being faithful comes along with being sober). I've posed naked for a photo shoot. I'm rather proud of this one. The young photojournalist (who is now an Episcopal priest) was doing a project for a photography class at UT (that's the University of Texas at Austin-I'll give you the details so you don't have to dig). She made an A! My boyfriend and I had the hottest sex ever for days after. Whew! I'm glad that's out. I've screamed profanity at my husband and children and even slapped them all a couple of times. That's really ugly. Sometimes, I'm really ugly.

The deal is: I know it. And I know, it is only by God's grace that I am as sane as I am today. I learned what I lived growing up and I've been re-learning ever since I realized (again by God's grace) that I needed to re-learn. These days, when I behave badly ( like having a bad mood or a temper tantrum), I ask for forgiveness and expect to get it because I know how to give it. Believe me, I get as much opportunity to extend forgiveness I as do to ask for it. And the deal is: I know I deserve to be forgiven. So do you. So does Tiger Woods and on and on and on. All of us deserve forgiveness.

The trouble is that our culture doesn't nurture the forgiveness concept. It nurtures the crucifixion concept. No one is looking in the mirror. As a culture, we are sufficiently numbed up and distracted by caffeine, tobacco, sugar, alcohol, food, and the Internet and ALWAYS plugged-in to music or texting. We don't have time to look in the mirror. We are available to each other 24/7 but not available at all, really. Especially not to ourselves. But just you wait until we see someone ELSE doing something wrong! Kill! Kill! Kill! We scream to the rulers.

So you're wondering why I'm ranting about this now?

It's because I've been having a debilitating, unbearably human month or so and I've been feeling ashamed. I couldn't face you. I couldn't write about what was wrong (I didn't know what was wrong, how could I write about it?). I couldn't even paint. Because still, in my heart of hearts, there is a huge part of me that cannot self-forgive, the part of me that doesn't want me to have this kind of experience, the part of me that wants your approval. The part of me that is sure you will not like what you see if you see me standing here just as I am, undone and naked in the woods.

When I named this blog, I had every intention of being that authentic with you, of trusting you that much, of trusting the Universe that much. I didn't. I confess. Will you forgive me? And the next time I disappear for days at a time, will you come find me? We are, after all, walking these woods together. And I am hoping that some of you, at least, are out here naked too.

WAKE UP!

2010-05-11T11:43:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine, a lay-woman, gave the homily at her church on Mother's Day. I had told her I probably wouldn't be there, given the religious conflicts I have that I've already mentioned. She wants to keep trying to stretch the skin of the christian church into a truly gender-inclusive container that teaches god as being both masculine and feminine. I support her, but I think I'm finished with that. So I affirmed her efforts and told myself I didn't have to be present for her teaching in person.

Enter MOM.

I think it was Thursday when my daughter called to ask how I'd like to celebrate Mother's Day. I told her I'd get back to her. As I thought about Mother's Day, some nostalgia arose, as last year my mom was here. It would turn out to be her last visit. This Mother's Day, I wouldn't be able to tell her (in person) how much I love her and honor her.

A flash of inspiration! I'll ask my daughter if she'd like to go with me to hear my woman friend give the homily. We'll honor all courageous women who stretch the edges and "be in church together"-something my mom would deeply appreciate. She'd been a member of the Episcopal Daughter's of the King, a contemplative, lay order. And while she listened to my misgivings about christianity with patient understanding and always encouraged me to think for myself, she wanted "church" for me and me in church.

Saturday night I stayed up late and since my daughter had declined my invitation and would come out later to visit, I decided when I went to bed that I definitely wasn't going to church.

Sunday morning. Dawn. A Mockingbird outside my window began: "Get up. Get up. Get up. It's dawn. Hello! Hello! Wake up! Wake up!" Forever. I got up to pee. Decided again not to go to church. Laid back down to doze. The dog whined. He needed to go out. He did this three times. I'm up. I'm down. I'm up. I'm down. Finally, he went back to sleep and so did I.

Dream: I'm sitting on the beach waiting for Mom to come home from "church." I haven't been there even though I told her I might go. Here she comes over the horizon, flying a blimp/boat/balloon/plane. She lands it smoothly in the surf, steps out and stands in the waves with her hand on her hip. Shouts, "Well? Were you there?" When I say no, she gets back in the blimp/boat/balloon/plane saying, "I have errands to run." And flies off. As she does, an island forms underneath her and there is a little house on it. There is a carport and under it I see a cute little red truck parked. My uncle, Mom's brother is there too. He's raking the soil with a red rake.

I wake up. Think, I know I said I'd go to church, but I reaallly don't want to now. You understand, right? I go back to sleep. When the alarm on my phone which I've forgotten to disable rings and wakes me up for the hundredth time, I get up and make coffee. Decide I'd better go to church.

When I arrived, I walked the labyrinth there. My meditation: I am here in my feet. I am here in the bird song. I am here in my breath. I am here in the voices of these who cannot hear me praying. I am here in the worm crawling across my path. I am here in the flower's bloom. I am here in the turning. I am here in the path. I am here in the going in. I am here in the coming out." By the time I finished walking, I could enter the indoor sanctuary with ease and it was already time for the homily.

During the first moments of the homily, my friend played a U-TUBE clip of the ocean waves sounding. She spoke in gender inclusive language and metaphor. During the prayers of the people, we passed a bowl of "living water" around the circle of women standing at the altar saying, "I bless you. I honor you. I offer you the living water." Our voices like the goddess herself whispering in an eternal echo. Women wiped tears from their eyes as they received each other. When I handed the bowl to the woman next to me and spoke the blessing, I noticed. Her name was Beth.

Beth was my mother's name.

I still do not believe that churches or priests have any special power. But I do believe there is a Power. And it keeps waking me up in new ways day by day.

Calling the Dog

2010-05-06T17:41:00.001-05:00

So, I've mentioned (a few times) that I've been a bit off balance since my agent (I call him mine even though we don't have an official contract yet because we are in the process of bonding) let me know that he thinks I need to do more work on my novel. Well, I have been reeling really, and not just a little.

So the question becomes how to find balance.

At this point, you need to know that given my passionate nature, reeling like this from disappointment, anger, or sadness has been a common theme in my life's story. The first thing I had to figure out was that experiencing OTHER PEOPLE NOT DOING WHAT I WANTED THEM TO DO and careening around like a party balloon all blown up and let go to fly around the room without its proper knot, was off balance. How that happened is another story. But, thankfully, I did figure that out and then begin, with a little help from friends, to practice ways of finding balance.

My point is: it's a practice.

This morning, I took my coffee, my journal, and my copy of Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks on The Teachings of Abraham out to sit by the pool. This book is one of the most positively influential and helpful self-help books I've ever read. As I have read the book many times and use the tools for meditation found within its pages frequently, I didn't need to start at the beginning. So, I held the book and asked where to start, the book fell open to page 44.

Emotions are indicators of your alignment with Source Energy. Oh. That. Okay. Fine.

So, I sat back, settled in, closed my eyes and began to breathe. My mind raced around in circles like a puppy, jumping and panting, demanding attention. Thinking I told myself. Breathe. My mind whimpered a little. Thinking I said. Breathe. My mind peed a little then stepped in it tracking it all over the place.

"Oh Christ!" I said. Well then that made me think. Who is this Christ? Am I really supposed to pray to someone who supposedly lived 2010 years ago? This is NOT a new question for me.

Grant you, I did pray to the accepted, iconoclastic concept of Jesus Christ as he is presented in Christian doctrine for many years. I grew up Southern Baptist and was baptised twice by the time I was thirteen years old, so believe me, I've prayed in Jesus' name.

I also have not done that for many years, especially since I have studied the work of feminist theologians like Riane Eisler in her work The Chalice and the Blade and art historians like Camille Paglia in her work Sexual Personae: Art and Decadence from Nefertiti to Emily Dickinson. These works suggest, as do many, that Jesus of Nazareth is a myth not a person, that his personae is a composite figure created by a patriarchy willing to do anything to discount former, powerful connections to goddess worshiping cultures and redirect the people of that time to the worship of the One True God.

While I intellectually understand these arguments, it is undeniable that the foundation of my fundamental spiritual belief system is grounded in the teachings of Christ. And something in me (no doubt the one I call Little Baptist Girl) still wants to access the Great Compassion of this beloved Teacher.

You see my conflict.

So back to balancing. I continued breathing, turned the focus of my body's eyes up and inward to the back of my third eye, connected to earth from my Dan Ti en point, and whispered, "I want to connect to the teacher known as the Christ, to Sophia, the Great Wisdom." I sat for less than a minute before my actually (a mixed black lab) dog came obediently to me, panting and nudging my hand for attention. You've heard the joke: dog spelled backwards....

I laughed and gave him a good scratch, ate some breakfast and went for a haircut. Then, feeling more beautiful than I have in months, headed for painting supplies in town at Hobby Lobby.

Walking toward the back of the store where they keep the paints, I heard a familiar tune coming from the ceiling. Caught myself humming, "Hmmmmmmm, this I know..." OH MY GOD! No kidding, they were piping in "Jesus Loves Me." Did Hobby Lobby change hands? I thought. I've never heard christian music played here before. That's weird. I kept shopping. Ignored the music. But then I began to hum again, "Hmmmmmm," I don't know these words, yes I do, Oh my god! I began to sob as I am now. I had to stifle the sound rising from my gut. It was the the hymn (by Jan Struther) my mother chose for us to sing as the close of her memorial last October. It might as well have been my mother's voice (her personal belief in the Present Christ, a deep well of faith) singing to me from above:

Lord of all gentleness, Lord of all calm,
Whose voice is contentment, whose presence is balm,
Be there at our sleeping, and give us, we pray,
Your peace in our hearts, Lord, at the end of the day.

She might as well have been saying, "Yes. Jesus lives. He's here with me. You hear?"

As I drove home this quote from the Bible came, "He who believes in me (the Christ) shall be saved." My mind's rebuttal, but I don't. Not like they teach it. Then the thought, she whose beliefs are of the Christ shall be saved.

And I was, at that moment, again. I was never supposed to worship any man, not even Jesus the man. It is Wisdom, though, to practice his teachings (and those of other great spiritual teachers). It is Wisdom to practice loving-kindness toward myself and others and when I find myself out of balance, it is Wisdom to call on the Nameless, lean into the Great Mystery, and let go.

the planet needs you

2010-05-04T14:49:00.000-05:00

I pay attention to dreams and visions. Just now, still in the wake of understanding the semi-rejection of my novel in it's present form, I decided to do some shamanic journey work on the subject.

The question I asked was: "What direction should I take now that will lead me to the next highest level of my evolution as a human being." I won't share the vision I received here just now.

I will say it was powerful. Again, I will be discerning its meaning for some time, as visions and dreams are a non-linear mystery. I will also share that one key image in the journey was my being flung into the stars by a teacher.

This made me think of a term I've heard: Star Nation. Not having been trained in Native American teaching and being an anglo saxon used to instant gratification, of course, I googled "Star Nation."

You might be interested in one of the links I foll0wed. It is the art and teaching of Rod Bearcloud Berry. The first link speaks to his interpretation of messages from crop circles, messages he believes are sent from the Star Nations. And the second link is to his own gallery. His art is phenomenal, highly spiritual, powerful!

The last few lines, especially one, of the teaching under the first link spoke to me and seemed to speak directly to the interpretation of my own vision today.

" I believe our planet is in a desperately bad place at the moment with overwhelming turmoil. Few people really recognize the state we are in, but for those that do. There is still time. Believe the planet can heal and change. Every person is a cell of a body of their country that has influence. Those who are walking the correct road are very valuable in assisting this change. The planet needs you, really needs you. Thank you for your help."

I am humbled and empowered by his words.

http://www.starnationgallery.com/articles/2002_1.html
http://www.bearcloudgallery.com/index.html

You can't always get what you want

2010-04-29T20:39:00.000-05:00

But I definitely got what I need. Some applause, a new follower, and some perspective.

Three phone calls, one blog-comment, and five condolence/encouragement emails later, I feel better, more human, less grandiose. Whew!

During one call, we sang the Rolling Stones to each other. I got that rowdy, I-can-do-anything feeling only rock and roll can give. We laughed out loud and I said the F-word twice in one sentence, blaming it on negative animus. We were both women, and of course, we were thinking we should try to control that stuff. Now, I'm thinking, less control-more animus (but the positive kind that's kick-ass strong and knows it, the way they teach you to be when you take Kung-fu, so you don't have to be aggressive).

One commiserate said that what I wrote made her think about her own grandiosity and how she suffers with desire. When I quoted the Buddha, that's what I thought would happen in readers (being holy and spiritual as I am), and that somehow the lesson for me here is to continue this trend I've been setting about letting go, this time of my strong desire to be a published author. Someone I once knew calls this kind of thinking "doing a spiritual bypass."

So here comes the perspective shift.

One commentator (admittedly someone very close to me) wrote:

"I love you and will wait patiently for the news that you've found a publisher. Keep writing; keep hoping; most importantly: keep submitting and remember that the Buddha was a selfish man that left his family high and dry so he could go park his big fat but under a tree and think, so keep all natural emotions despite what the sages and sooths might say."

I love it! The Buddha wasn't ALL THAT. Really?

This is not to insult any one's religious leanings or teachers, but to remind myself (by realizing the frailty of all human beings, even great teachers) to listen to my own inner authority, to find my own voice, to hear criticism with equanimity, and to carry on doing what I do.

A response to the question (right) "What defines you?"

2010-04-28T21:40:00.000-05:00

I've been in mourning all day. After I made a bleary-eyed email check this morning, I just couldn't face the computer.

First, I sat with my coffee on the chaise by the pool facing east. I made some lunch and a smoothie and sat there some more. Then I sat on the chaise by the pool facing west for a while, trimmed my fifteen year old poodle's hair. Then I sat in the tub, soaked myself in baking soda and salt. Then, naked, I sat on the patio facing west again, letting the sun wash me too. It was there that this came to me, so here I sit, finally facing the computer.

"What happened?" you ask.

Well, yesterday I let myself get extraordinarily high. In the morning, I emailed the literary agent I met last summer and who has been reading my novel for the past three months to find out what he was thinking. He called me within a couple of hours, but I missed his call. His message said, "It's funny you should call today, because I finished reading your novel this weekend and I was going to give you a call, so call me back."

OMG! He wants me to call him back! This has to be good news. So I called right there in the parking lot.
No answer. Okay-heart-racing-hand-shaking-arm-pit-dripping me is now driving home waiting for a call back from my agent like it's the most normal thing in the world. But it definitely is not normal at all. It is huge and I am a wreck. Breathe....Breathe....Breathe....settle. Okay.

I'd spent six years writing this book. I finished it last summer just in time for the Writer's League of Texas Agents Conference. I registered, met this agent, he asked to read my manuscript and voila! I'm a novelist. I'm picturing myself doing readings at Barnes and Noble, talking to other would-be novelists at workshops about the writing life, flipping my hair at Dave Letterman (did I mention that I have a tendency toward grandiosity?).

It is a fact, however, that getting a card from an agent at a conference like that the very first time I pitched it is a phenomenal feat, and I felt reaaaaalllly sure he would love my book.

So I get home and tell Mr. Friendly what's going on and he gets all excited too. Now we're living in the Caribbean and he's driving a red corvette. I sit by the water all day wiggling my toes in the white sand and write one beautiful novel after another.

The phone finally rings and its him. I'm a race horse at the starting line. But when the gun goes off, I don't even get to run. My cage doesn't open. I'm just standing there watching all the other thoroughbreds dash off in wild abandon and I realize, I'm not even going to get to try to win.

You guessed it. He didn't love my book. He said I have the bones of a good story, but that it needs some meat on it.

I was ready to sign a contract. I was even ready for complete rejection, but I wasn't ready to hear him say, "I'm willing to read it again after you've done some more work on it." Now I know every writer has to re-write. I've read that. I was expecting that. But I wanted the editor at the publishing house to whom my agent sold my book to to be the one to say, "You have to re-write." Not my agent who is not my agent, yet. So now, apparently, I'm pouting.

But really it's more than that. It's because yesterday I was so close to getting something I strongly desire. I was so close to being able to go around saying, "My agent this and my agent that," and "my novel this and that." And today, I'm back to not so close. I'm back to the me I am already. Now. The one whose worth I doubt unless she can say, "My agent, my novel, my book of poetry, look what I've achieved," when someone asks, "What defines you?"

The Buddha said that desire is the root of all suffering. I agree.

2010-04-22T14:57:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, a neighbor and bodywork client came to see me with a debilitating headache. We worked together for more than an hour in my newly discovered at-home sanctuary.

When a client presents with an acute condition, I have a strong (ego) desire to "fix it." I have to actively practice asking the ego to step out of the way, prayerfully invite Spirit Guides and Healing Helpers to bring the client the healing that serves their highest good and let go of the results.

Because I do this, I am repeatedly delighted and so are my clients when their symptoms dissipate or disappear entirely. By this kind of surrender, I am humbled and convinced, time after time, that it is Spirit doing the work through my hands and not me. It is crucial that I do not take credit for the results so that I, in turn, do not have to accept blame when symptoms do not abate. It is crucial, as well, that I know for the client, for myself, for humanity, and for the planet that even though I may not see healing with the body's eyes, healing that serves the highest good of all concerned always happens. Who am I to judge because I cannot see?

My practice remains, however, to deny the power of all manner of unhappiness, disease, dysfunction, distress, or negative energy of any kind as those are thought forms made manifest in the body and in one's life circumstances in cases of mistaken identity. If I identify myself with negative manifestations of any kind, even though they seem real because I can sense them in my body (or in my client's body) or because I can see them or touch them, witness them with my senses, then I am mistaken about my True Identity. When I am mistaken about my identity, I experience disconnection, dis-empowerment, chaos, disease, and unhappiness and, even more importantly, I proliferate that mistake into the consciousness of the race mind.

Whereas, when I remember the Essence of my True Self (in spite of appearances): I am a Light Being, a swirling vortex of pure positive, full-spectrum Light Source Energy, connected to the core earth energies and to the Pure Light Source Energies, perfectly aligned, balanced, open, operating in perfect order and harmony, full of Love, loving, and lovable, healed and whole, and claim that which is the Great Reality as mine instead, then All That Lives Within me moves to manifest within and without that to which I am now identified. And, most importantly, by correctly identifying myself with the Divine Whole and therefore with all of its characteristics (read The Seven Main Aspects of God by Emmet Fox), I am not only healing (a recognition and realization of the Whole) myself, but healing the race consciousness and the planet as well.l

This time, my client's symptoms did dissipate by the end of our hour long session, and the next afternoon, she visited me bringing fresh strawberries and blackberries.

"I brought these as a celebration of joy. My headache is gone!" she said, giving me the most wonderful gratuity. For the next two mornings, I enjoyed a healthful "berry-licious" smoothie made with her gift, Almond Ice (sweetened with agave nectar so it's processed, white-sugar-free), rice milk (so it's dairy free), and a scoop of rice protein (contains 12 grams of protein).

It was so beautiful (hint: Beauty is one of the main aspects of God) and so delicious that I set it in the garden and took a photo to share with you, extending the celebration of joy (hint: Joy is the highest expression of the Divine) and hoping that you will make and enjoy a smoothie of your own in honor of healing, beauty, and joy.

2010-04-15T11:43:00.000-05:00

Several years ago, having discerned that following a traditional path to ordination as a Christian minister wasn't my path, I began to visualize a sanctuary space I wanted to create. I thought it would be a retail space where I would teach art classes, do energetic balancing, hold circle dances and sacred interfaith rituals, and create community while earning a living.

I busied myself finding a space and signing a lease for it (all with the avid resistance of Mr. Friendly, my spouse, who rarely supports new ventures of mine if they involve spending money). At that point, I did not have the state license I needed to do hands-on work with people. One way to satisfy that need was to apply online for ordination through the Universal Life Church, as ministers can do "laying on of hands." Reluctantly, I did this, but told no one, a part of me still desiring the approval of some organized, recognized entity like "the church" to sanctify my calling.

The lease for the space didn't work out, so I revisited my plan, thinking that road-blocks are Universal Guides to which I should pay attention (interestingly, I hadn't considered Mr. Friendly's resistance a road-block-this is a hint).

I have experienced, that when I am in Universal Flow, the way is clear and unobstructed.

So, I entered and graduated from massage school. This gave me the license I needed to do hands-on bodywork with people. As I prepared to take the state examination for my license, I began, again, to look for spaces near my home in which to establish the sanctuary I had been visualizing. For days, I'd driven round in circles, visited with business owners and landlords, and felt an uneasiness growing in my gut. I had no clientele and I had only a small financial seed, so signing a lease would have been risky at best. But I could SEE the space. I knew what I wanted.

After a few days of searching, out of the blue, I received a phone call from a dear friend. "By any chance, are you looking for a space?" she asked. I almost dropped the phone. She'd been called to a visioning ministry for a mission nearby and they were looking to share space with like-minded individuals. All I had to do was go get the key and agree to donate for the space as I could. Wow.

My practice grew, but slowly. The mission grew very little. Now they are relinquishing the space, and last week, I moved out of that space. I've been wondering how I will attract clients now. Wondering what this means?

I've decided that it just means not there. Not now. It means I have to trust the process again. It means there is more happening than I can see. I began to visualize people handing me one-hundred dollar bills as a practice of manifesting Abundant Supply, visualizing what I want to come into my experience, as I do need income.

Ask and you will receive (even if you don't know how).

So I cleared out my studio space at home and brought my practice home. Mr. Friendly and I are learning to share space in a more profound way than we have in thirty years.

A few days ago, another therapist I'd met two years ago who remembered me, called. I hadn't spoken to her since we met. She is moving out of state and needs a therapist to whom she can recommend her small clientele and wondered if I'd be interested.

Wow!

She came to my studio yesterday to experience my work. She felt well as she left and I think she'll refer to me. Who knows what will happen? Choosing a therapist is a very personal thing. And what about the sanctuary I've been visualizing?

One of the things that passed through my hands during the process of packing, unpacking, relinquishing, and clearing over the passed few weeks is a poem my mother wrote to me when I first opened Moon Shadow Sanctuary in the space I just lost. I thought then that the piece was about that place.

Now, the poem sits on the altar here in my very own studio, a place I've had all along. But now I read the poem much differently. Now I do not read it to be about a place I had to find. It is not about place at all. Instead, I read it to be about living in the sanctuary of Spirit, the sanctuary of knowing that the Universe brings me all that I need in perfect timing. The sanctuary of knowing that the Universe answers the "prayers of my heart" and that even when I don't understand what I'm asking for, or know the healing I need, Omniscience does know and Spirit heals. The sanctuary of knowing that I am co-creating my world (be careful what you think) and that what I visualize, does materialize, always shape-shifted by Spirit to serve the Highest Good.

Here am I
Just as I was dreamed
So lovely
A quiet place
A place to be still and know
A place to Be
The Real Me of You.

Only You are needed
To call forth my Spirit
From my window
To inherit the
Shade of my Tree.

In silence
Come unto me

Beth Ellis Grimes, '07

2010-04-12T19:38:00.000-05:00

Today my neighbor brought me a yellow sweet pepper to plant in the garden she knows I want to have, but don't. Well, now I do, because we went straight out to plant the two inch beauty that promises to deliver nourishment in a matter of weeks. While we were outside, we spoke to the neighbor next door who was planting tomatoes. He asked, "You got a tomato plant yet?" Well, no I hadn't gotten one yet, so he gave me two. I planted those on the spot as well. Boom. A veggie garden!

On another venue (www.google.com/profiles/dellisphelps), I've been writing about letting go of things, and about how just this fall I let go of having a wild scape of native Texas wildflowers in the very same area of our homestead acre as we had just planted this serendipitous veggie garden. I've been understanding a new levels how letting go creates space in which the Universe can create something new. I'm especially aware of how things to which I find myself intensely attached are often the very things I am (it seems) required to release. And when I do, they often become manifest in my life very quickly in ways I could never have imagined.

For example, as we were planting, I noticed my neighbor's field. It is full of wildflowers: primrose, bluebonnet, coreopsis, and buttercups growing everywhere in profuse, abundant abandon. These are in HER yard, not mine. Envy gave me a sarcastic wink. I flinched.

But wait. Only a few feet from where we stood, where I thought (for twenty some years I tried to make this happen) I would have said wild scape, now...this spring...a NATURAL wild scape has emerged. It's not as delicious as my neighbor's showing, but it is showing. I have spider wart, primrose, buttercup, coreopsis, black-foot daisies and more. Some might say the reason for this year being the year this wild scape has emerged is the extraordinary rains we've had. But I think, it's happened because I let go.

Even more interesting, is the fact that, Mr. Friendly (a nickname given my spouse of thirty years who usually does not play well with others) has decided to enjoy the natural landscape and let the flowers have their way with that particular section of the yard he usually mows but hasn't.

I know there are many other "things" of which I probably should let go and allow the Universe to bring to me in more natural ways. Working for applause might be one of them.

I don't think starting a new blog is surrendering the need for applause. Do you?