"i cannot teach you to pray in words"

Image:  "between the worlds" 36X36" acrylic on gallery wrapped canvas.  copyright D. Ellis Phelps, 2014

Original available through Intermezzo Gallery, Boerne, TX   (830) 331.9400

Prints available through SmugMug:  here.

(super important hint!:  my paintings are only available as 16X20" (or larger) gallery wrapped canvas prints and as greeting cards.  So click on "canvas" at the top of the page in Smug Mug.  special note about this painting:  It'll look best on a square canvas.  Thanks!)

 

I cannot teach you how to pray in words....And I cannot teach you the prayer of the seas and the forests and the mountains.  But you who are born of the mountains and the forests and the seas can find their prayer in your heart...

The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran

Since 2006 and the transition of my in-laws and my parents from their forms of flesh to their light bodies, I have spent a great deal of time between the worlds.

These incarnate beings I learned to love and hate and love again have come to me in the most profound ways, letting me know their presence beyond the veil is one of large, ongoing aliveness, letting me know their pain, their need for my offerings of love and forgiveness. 

My father-in-law’s scent:  spice.  My mother-in-law:  heavy perfume.  My father:  cedar.  And by arrangement with my mother (a la Houdini):  pine. 

My father has visited me in dreams, willing me to do his bidding on this plane, else he could not rest.  My mother has spoken me awake, me certain she stood beside my bed.

What I have understood from these communications is this: 

Who we are on this side, we are on the other.  This is why we pray for the dead, so that The Light knows its own and it is only by Grace (by prayer) that between the worlds, between lives, we are received and we are known.

How do you communicate between the worlds?  Have you experienced the out-of-body  presence of someone you have loved or not loved?  How do you process the messages you have received?

Being Present with guest artists and commentary

"Three Tongues," Suzanne Copleston.

Image used with gratitude & permission of the artist, copyright Suzanne Copleson, 2013.  All rights reserved. Please visit Ms. Copleston's website here to view more of her beautiful work.


Present Love

Let love come unbidden
  in each moment's unfolding,
  like petals that open up around our feet
  the instant we step upon the ground.

Let us meet others in the present--
  fresh,
         uncluttered--
  our hearts and minds reflecting
  Love's heart and mind.

Let us not diminish into
  small views and perceptions,
  but step into our fullness,
  shaking off the dust of fear,
  separation, and outcome.

We awake in present love.

Desire only to reside there,
  buoyed by awakened sisters and brothers,
  a circle of love that vibrates,
  rippling outward, in a

      constant now.



Guest Poet, Tina Karagulian from her collection Under the Papaya Tree, Black Rose Press, 2013.  "Present Love" used by permission of the poet.  All rights reserved.


Centering Prayer is one way of "waking in present love."  This method, taught by Fr. Thomas Keating, uses a centering word or phrase one chooses for the practice to bring the mind back to the present  and to the practice of contemplation.  I began to incorporate this method into my spiritual practice decades ago after reading Fr. Keating's book, Open Mind Open Heart.

Microcosmic focus on beauty is another way of being present and awake, as in this photograph.  The artist, Georgia O'Keefe is said to have stated (paraphrased) that no one sees a flower, really.  

In her poem, Ms. Karagulian urges us to "let love come unbidden."  This line is most interesting to me as I have spent a good amount of energy throughout my life calling love, seeking love, practicing unloving behavior and calling it love.  

In other words, being consumed by what is not Love, because as this poet suggests, Great Love comes unbidden.  It simply is.  

And it is fully present to us by grace when we awake.


D. Ellis Phelps

Guilt & Shame personified: a poem and commentary

"Shedding Shame," Katarina Silva 
image used with gratitude & permission of the artist,
copyright Katarina Silva, 2013
All rights reserved

Please visit Ms. Silva's website here to view more of her powerful work. 










Guest blogger and poet:
Kyndall Rae Renfro
with commentary by D. Ellis Phelps


Guilt, be slain, you false accuser,
ha-satan, retreat, you devil . . .
. . . or, might I show hospitality
to my enemy? Give welcome at the door?
What gift is hidden in your lurking
presence? None! None!
cries my wounded child, huddled in fear,
but, “Shh, shh, I will protect you from
our visitor, even as I feed him bread.”
I turn towards the intrusion,
I want you dead and gone!
But I look into your malevolent eyes instead
and wonder what you’ll teach me
as I refuse to cave under torment.
You were going to come in anyway;
might as well seat you at the table
where I can see and study
rather than be stabbed in the back.
Your lips curve in sinister smile,
but I have unnerved you, being so forward.
I will force you to speak clearly.
No sleepy whispers in black masks,
no sneaking in through bedroom window.
You will sit here in my lamp-lit rooms
and I will hear your case, unflinching.
In the inner folds of your long coat
there is a tiny but brilliant diamond.
I can tell by the way you finger the lining
of your gruff garment and by the stance
of your defensive posture that
though you’ve come to pillage and plunder,
you’ve got a prize of your own.
All the stealing intended to distract me
from noticing that what you are hiding
belongs to me. I recognize its glint.
Even through folds of fabric,
it lets off a shine–
it is the small and righteous truth,
searing as the sun, that shame
attempts to hide. It is the gift
of my own vulnerability; it is the treasure
of being who I am without any fear.
Friends: You do not have to bar the door or
wield a weapon; just out-trick the trickster, knowing,
Shame never visits your house
without a diamond in his trench coat.

               Kyndall Rae Renfro


A teacher once said (and I believe this), that guilt is a form of self-inflicted punishment that allows the “guilty” to continue some hurtful behavior (toward herself or another), that the feeling of guilt is a signal to cease that behavior and ask forgiveness (of the self or another).

I really struggled to grasp the meaning of this teaching. I learned, like you, that guilt is also a teacher and that I have much to learn from the experience of it.

After my current understanding of guilt as “permission to repeat hurtful behavior,” arrived, I made a vow to banish guilt from my life by amending my behavior. Yes, I had done some things to others for which I needed to ask their forgiveness, but most of the damage I had done (and sometimes continue to do), I did in the form of insidious self-destruction: Anorexia, alcohol and drug abuse, engagement in toxic relations and on and on and on. In my recovery, guilt is not welcome; only acknowledgement of a mistake made and a new intention to change the mistaken behavior. Over and over again. That is all.

             D. Ellis Phelps

Stillness: the best medicine

How rare.

Traffic chugs along in streams.  Sirens scream.  Dishes, children, ambitions demand attention. 

Our caffeine and adrenaline saturated blood surges through arterial rivers.  Daily news, daily chores, daily posts.

Behind heavy lids past midnight, minds wander the subconscious but we do not rest.  Our culture is hooked on doing, hooked on “connecting.”

Do we have more or less for all of this?  I say:  less. 

And deep social anxiety is the tragic outcome.

I received an email today from a prominent social change network that (paraphrased) said:  “We were hacked and shut down for several hours.  To be shut down for an entire day would be disastrous!”  Of course, they asked for a donation from conscious supporters to keep this from happening again.

Please, shut it down.  Please, let us all shut down.  Go outside.  Sit.  Dig our feet into the mud and lean hard against the trunk of the oak.  Listen and breathe.

what i learned today

that twenty minutes of contemplative prayer/meditation can completely relieve the perception of pain previously unrelieved by medication

what i learned today

that a man who believes he must kill to survive cannot risk an open heart

Raising the Energy of Love: Affirmative Practice

                                          Artist Unknown

“Prayer is most effectively sent when each person in the world ‘raises their energy of love’ by imagining a scene where the peoples of the world are living in peace…I have decided to call out to my fellow global citizens.  Let us pray by putting our hands together in the prayer position.  [You must] start praying for yourself, [then] something will definitely change in yourself.  And when more and more of your fellow men [and women] change in the same way, your surroundings will change, society will change, the country will change and the world will change…”

                                             Masaru Emoto 

Try using these affirmations as a way of "raising your energy of [Self] love."  At first, these may seem simplistic statements, redundant even.  But if you allow yourself to simply focus the mind in this way, paying attention only to these words, taking a deep breath between each line or phrase, focusing on the breath and bringing the mind back when it wanders to focus only on these words and the breath, you will notice a shift in your vibrational frequency for the better.  This is subtle work, but its effect is powerful.  

If possible, find a quiet space.  Perhaps you will light a candle to signify sacred time.  No worries if you have only five minutes.  Practice affirmations for five minutes then.  Try repeating the affirmations several times daily as a practice for training the mind.  Then, when apparent crisis seems present, you will be able to summon the affirmations as a way of calming and centering. 

If you find that you do not believe what you are saying (reading) in the affirmations, simply tell the mind, "I notice that my mind does not yet believe these statements.  Nevertheless, I state them now as Truth, denying the power of any disbelief."   

I am breathing now

I am breath

I am the breathing

I am forgiving now

I am forgiven now

I am the forgiving

I am whole now

I am the wholeness

I am the whole

I am healing now

I am the healing

I am the healer

I am opening now

I am open now

I am the opening

I am aligning now

I am aligned now

I am the alignment

I am present now

I am the present

I am the Presence

I am flowing now

I am the flow

I am the flowing

I rock

I am rocked

I am the rocking

I root

I am rooted

I am the rooting

I reach

I am reached

I am the reaching

I touch, I am touched, I am the touching

I stretch, I am stretched, I am the stretching

I lengthen, I am lengthened, I am the lengthening

In wholeness All is Unified, Here is now, Now is here, All is Now.

 

New Poem Today

outside the cyclone fence 

surrounding the space i call home

havoc-happenstance

horrific predictions

(the end is near, again!)

but here in the Cicada's drone-

a long, dry, hum

a rhythmic, Shaman's rattle speaks:

take off your shoes

bare your feet

put your back down

let the earth's spine silence your mind

(it cannot help you now)

only the slow roll of ocean

healing her own wounds

she-a forgiving teacher

repeats:

keep the peace

keep the peace

keep the peace

          D. Ellis Phelps, 2010

 Surfing twitter after the British Petroleum oil well began spilling oil into the Gulf, I read a comment in response to Obama's notion that rage against BP is counterproductive.  The comment, paraphrased, asked, "What am I supposed to do with the rage?"  

I've been thinking about that.  And today, a question arose from the ether as I wrote in my journal:

"Did the oil vomiting from the earth's core cause the people's rage?  Or did the people's rage cause the earth to vomit oil?"  

If you are wondering what I mean, read Love Thyself: The Message from Water III (v. 3) by Masaru Emoto.  His research indicates that if all of us: individuals, priests, ministers, rabbis, gurus, healers, and people of all faiths would turn our thinking away from rage and distress over the apparent problem in the ocean and literally, prayerfully send the energy of loving-kindness to the water, holding her in our thought in Light and claiming her wholeness by the power of All that is Holy, we could, on this physical plane, by the focus of our thought change the chemical make-up of  each Chrystal of water and help the ocean clean itself up.  Even better, if we gathered at her shores from all around the world en mass in this effort, we would make an even bigger impact toward her healing.  

The converse is also true.  If we continue to focus our attention on the problem with rage, we are causing it to worsen.

Of course, I want British Petroleum Company and all governments and scientists around the world to cooperate toward finding a scientific and or mechanical solution to the challenge, but I cannot stress how important it is to our well being as a species and to the well being of the planet that we join our minds in this way.  I think this distress, and others like it over the past years are powerful opportunities for us to learn the lesson that we are One, that we are Divine Beings, that connected to our Source, we have the power to heal each other and the planet.

And most importantly, that disconnected from Source, wandering around unaware, allowing our thoughts to focus on negative appearances HAS POWER!  ALL THOUGHT HAS POWER with actual, real-time, physical results.  The choice we have is how we use our power.  And we are using it whether we are conscious of it or not.

I have not asked this before, but now I do.  Please send these thoughts forward into the Universe to everyone you know.  Send them by email, tweet them, text them, speak them to friends, hold them in your heart, and most importantly, think them.  Do it right now.  

Settle back, breathe deeply, relax, invite Spirit, set your intention to do no harm, and send loving-kindness to yourself, to each other (even those with whom you are at odds), to British Petroleum Company, and to the waters.  Bless All with Divine Intelligence, Harmony, and Peace.  

This is what we can do right now, from our own space, every time we think about it, every day until and after the "new apparent problem" is solved.  Because this is how we solve the real problem.

If you choose to join me in tandem practice from where you are in this effort, do so at 5:00 PM Greenwich Mean Time or 12 Noon Central Standard Time daily for five minutes.  

And so It Is.  Aho!

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Walking the Woods Together

                                          Self-Portrait with/by Artist Sarah Dinn Dunckel circa 1999


I've been hibernating.  It hasn't helped.  But I think the worst of the dark energy I've been experiencing is over.  For now.  This kind of being possessed or beside mySelf, makes me quite humble.  It makes me understand "salvation" anew every time it happens. 

In fact, ever since the media dethroned Tiger Woods over his sexual indiscretions, I've been wanting to out myself.  I mean, let's just get the whole story out there so "my fans" can make up their minds about me right now.  I don't feel like waiting until you hear it on the news (now that's not entirely likely since I'm neither a star, a politician, an athlete, nor a priest, but you're following me right?).  So here goes.

The truth is, I'm completely human with deep flaws.  I have profound thoughts and sick ones.  Sometimes I feel fearful, depressed, morbid even.  Sometimes I'm sure that All is Well.  I'm more balanced than not most of the time these days.  But I have done drugs (not for thirty years) and delightfully so.  I've drunk too much and driven that way (also not for thirty years, in fact I haven't had a drink at all for that long) and thrown up lots.  I've kissed someone underage and given them pot.  I've kissed another woman (well, actually we were girls then and figuring out how to kiss among other things).  I've kissed a cousin or two (almost lost my virginity to one of them).  I've had multiple extra-marital affairs (another not for thirty years-as you may have guessed, being faithful comes along with being sober).  I've posed naked for a photo shoot.  I'm rather proud of this one.  The young photojournalist (who is now an Episcopal priest) was doing a project for a photography class at UT (that's the University of Texas at Austin-I'll give you the details so you don't have to dig).  She made an A!  My boyfriend and I had the hottest sex ever for days after.  Whew!  I'm glad that's out.   I've screamed profanity at my husband and children and even slapped them all a couple of times.  That's really ugly.  Sometimes, I'm really ugly.

The deal is:  I know it.   And I know, it is only by God's grace that I am as sane as I am today.  I learned what I lived growing up and I've been re-learning ever since I realized  (again by God's grace) that I needed to re-learn.  These days, when I behave badly ( like having a bad mood or a temper tantrum), I ask for forgiveness and expect to get it because I know how to give it.  Believe me, I get as much opportunity to extend forgiveness I as do to ask for it.  And the deal is:  I know I deserve to be forgiven.  So do you.  So does Tiger Woods and on and on and on.  All of us deserve forgiveness.

The trouble is that our culture doesn't nurture the forgiveness concept.  It nurtures the crucifixion concept.  No one is looking in the mirror.  As a culture, we are sufficiently numbed up and distracted by caffeine, tobacco, sugar, alcohol, food, and the Internet and ALWAYS plugged-in to music or texting.  We don't have time to look in the mirror.  We are available to each other 24/7 but not available at all, really.  Especially not to ourselves.  But just you wait until we see someone ELSE doing something wrong!  Kill!  Kill!  Kill! We scream to the rulers.

So you're wondering why I'm ranting about this now?

It's because I've been having a debilitating, unbearably human month or so and I've been feeling ashamed.  I couldn't face you.  I couldn't write about what was wrong (I didn't know what was wrong, how could I write about it?).  I couldn't even paint.  Because still, in my heart of hearts, there is a huge part of me that cannot self-forgive, the part of me that doesn't want me to have this kind of experience, the part of me that wants your approval.  The part of me that is sure you will not like what you see if you see me standing here just as I am, undone and naked in the woods.

When I named this blog, I had every intention of being that authentic with you, of trusting you that much, of trusting the Universe that much.  I didn't.  I confess.  Will you forgive me?  And the next time I disappear for days at a time, will you come find me?  We are, after all, walking these woods together.  And I am hoping that some of you, at least, are out here naked too. 

A few days ago, a neighbor and bodywork client came to see me with a debilitating headache. We worked together for more than an hour in my newly discovered at-home sanctuary.

When a client presents with an acute condition, I have a strong (ego) desire to "fix it." I have to actively practice asking the ego to step out of the way, prayerfully invite Spirit Guides and Healing Helpers to bring the client the healing that serves their highest good and let go of the results. 

Because I do this, I am repeatedly delighted and so are my clients when their symptoms dissipate or disappear entirely. By this kind of surrender, I am humbled and convinced, time after time, that it is Spirit doing the work through my hands and not me. It is crucial that I do not take credit for the results so that I, in turn, do not have to accept blame when symptoms do not abate. It is crucial, as well, that I know for the client, for myself, for humanity, and for the planet that even though I may not see healing with the body's eyes, healing that serves the highest good of all concerned always happens. Who am I to judge because I cannot see?

My practice remains, however, to deny the power of all manner of unhappiness, disease, dysfunction, distress, or negative energy of any kind as those are thought forms made manifest in the body and in one's life circumstances in cases of mistaken identity. If I identify myself with negative manifestations of any kind, even though they seem real because I can sense them in my body (or in my client's body) or because I can see them or touch them, witness them with my senses, then I am mistaken about my True Identity. When I am mistaken about my identity, I experience disconnection, dis-empowerment, chaos, disease, and unhappiness and, even more importantly, I proliferate that mistake into the consciousness of the race mind.

Whereas, when I remember the Essence of my True Self (in spite of appearances): I am a Light Being, a swirling vortex of pure positive, full-spectrum Light Source Energy, connected to the core earth energies and to the Pure Light Source Energies, perfectly aligned, balanced, open, operating in perfect order and harmony, full of Love, loving, and lovable, healed and whole, and claim that which is the Great Reality as mine instead, then All That Lives Within me moves to manifest within and without that to which I am now identified. And, most importantly, by correctly identifying myself with the Divine Whole and therefore with all of its characteristics (read The Seven Main Aspects of God by Emmet Fox), I am not only healing (a recognition and realization of the Whole) myself, but healing the race consciousness and the planet as well.l

This time, my client's symptoms did dissipate by the end of our hour long session, and the next afternoon, she visited me bringing fresh strawberries and blackberries.  

"I brought these as a celebration of joy.   My headache is gone!" she said, giving me the most wonderful gratuity.  For the next two mornings, I enjoyed a healthful "berry-licious" smoothie made with her gift, Almond Ice (sweetened with agave nectar so it's processed, white-sugar-free), rice milk (so it's dairy free), and a scoop of rice protein (contains 12 grams of protein).  


It was so beautiful (hint:  Beauty is one of the main aspects of God) and so delicious that I set it in the garden and took a photo to share with you, extending the celebration of joy (hint: Joy is the highest expression of the Divine) and hoping that you will make and enjoy a smoothie of your own in honor of healing, beauty, and joy.