New Poem Today

outside the cyclone fence 

surrounding the space i call home

havoc-happenstance

horrific predictions

(the end is near, again!)

but here in the Cicada's drone-

a long, dry, hum

a rhythmic, Shaman's rattle speaks:

take off your shoes

bare your feet

put your back down

let the earth's spine silence your mind

(it cannot help you now)

only the slow roll of ocean

healing her own wounds

she-a forgiving teacher

repeats:

keep the peace

keep the peace

keep the peace

          D. Ellis Phelps, 2010

 Surfing twitter after the British Petroleum oil well began spilling oil into the Gulf, I read a comment in response to Obama's notion that rage against BP is counterproductive.  The comment, paraphrased, asked, "What am I supposed to do with the rage?"  

I've been thinking about that.  And today, a question arose from the ether as I wrote in my journal:

"Did the oil vomiting from the earth's core cause the people's rage?  Or did the people's rage cause the earth to vomit oil?"  

If you are wondering what I mean, read Love Thyself: The Message from Water III (v. 3) by Masaru Emoto.  His research indicates that if all of us: individuals, priests, ministers, rabbis, gurus, healers, and people of all faiths would turn our thinking away from rage and distress over the apparent problem in the ocean and literally, prayerfully send the energy of loving-kindness to the water, holding her in our thought in Light and claiming her wholeness by the power of All that is Holy, we could, on this physical plane, by the focus of our thought change the chemical make-up of  each Chrystal of water and help the ocean clean itself up.  Even better, if we gathered at her shores from all around the world en mass in this effort, we would make an even bigger impact toward her healing.  

The converse is also true.  If we continue to focus our attention on the problem with rage, we are causing it to worsen.

Of course, I want British Petroleum Company and all governments and scientists around the world to cooperate toward finding a scientific and or mechanical solution to the challenge, but I cannot stress how important it is to our well being as a species and to the well being of the planet that we join our minds in this way.  I think this distress, and others like it over the past years are powerful opportunities for us to learn the lesson that we are One, that we are Divine Beings, that connected to our Source, we have the power to heal each other and the planet.

And most importantly, that disconnected from Source, wandering around unaware, allowing our thoughts to focus on negative appearances HAS POWER!  ALL THOUGHT HAS POWER with actual, real-time, physical results.  The choice we have is how we use our power.  And we are using it whether we are conscious of it or not.

I have not asked this before, but now I do.  Please send these thoughts forward into the Universe to everyone you know.  Send them by email, tweet them, text them, speak them to friends, hold them in your heart, and most importantly, think them.  Do it right now.  

Settle back, breathe deeply, relax, invite Spirit, set your intention to do no harm, and send loving-kindness to yourself, to each other (even those with whom you are at odds), to British Petroleum Company, and to the waters.  Bless All with Divine Intelligence, Harmony, and Peace.  

This is what we can do right now, from our own space, every time we think about it, every day until and after the "new apparent problem" is solved.  Because this is how we solve the real problem.

If you choose to join me in tandem practice from where you are in this effort, do so at 5:00 PM Greenwich Mean Time or 12 Noon Central Standard Time daily for five minutes.  

And so It Is.  Aho!

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Walking the Woods Together

                                          Self-Portrait with/by Artist Sarah Dinn Dunckel circa 1999


I've been hibernating.  It hasn't helped.  But I think the worst of the dark energy I've been experiencing is over.  For now.  This kind of being possessed or beside mySelf, makes me quite humble.  It makes me understand "salvation" anew every time it happens. 

In fact, ever since the media dethroned Tiger Woods over his sexual indiscretions, I've been wanting to out myself.  I mean, let's just get the whole story out there so "my fans" can make up their minds about me right now.  I don't feel like waiting until you hear it on the news (now that's not entirely likely since I'm neither a star, a politician, an athlete, nor a priest, but you're following me right?).  So here goes.

The truth is, I'm completely human with deep flaws.  I have profound thoughts and sick ones.  Sometimes I feel fearful, depressed, morbid even.  Sometimes I'm sure that All is Well.  I'm more balanced than not most of the time these days.  But I have done drugs (not for thirty years) and delightfully so.  I've drunk too much and driven that way (also not for thirty years, in fact I haven't had a drink at all for that long) and thrown up lots.  I've kissed someone underage and given them pot.  I've kissed another woman (well, actually we were girls then and figuring out how to kiss among other things).  I've kissed a cousin or two (almost lost my virginity to one of them).  I've had multiple extra-marital affairs (another not for thirty years-as you may have guessed, being faithful comes along with being sober).  I've posed naked for a photo shoot.  I'm rather proud of this one.  The young photojournalist (who is now an Episcopal priest) was doing a project for a photography class at UT (that's the University of Texas at Austin-I'll give you the details so you don't have to dig).  She made an A!  My boyfriend and I had the hottest sex ever for days after.  Whew!  I'm glad that's out.   I've screamed profanity at my husband and children and even slapped them all a couple of times.  That's really ugly.  Sometimes, I'm really ugly.

The deal is:  I know it.   And I know, it is only by God's grace that I am as sane as I am today.  I learned what I lived growing up and I've been re-learning ever since I realized  (again by God's grace) that I needed to re-learn.  These days, when I behave badly ( like having a bad mood or a temper tantrum), I ask for forgiveness and expect to get it because I know how to give it.  Believe me, I get as much opportunity to extend forgiveness I as do to ask for it.  And the deal is:  I know I deserve to be forgiven.  So do you.  So does Tiger Woods and on and on and on.  All of us deserve forgiveness.

The trouble is that our culture doesn't nurture the forgiveness concept.  It nurtures the crucifixion concept.  No one is looking in the mirror.  As a culture, we are sufficiently numbed up and distracted by caffeine, tobacco, sugar, alcohol, food, and the Internet and ALWAYS plugged-in to music or texting.  We don't have time to look in the mirror.  We are available to each other 24/7 but not available at all, really.  Especially not to ourselves.  But just you wait until we see someone ELSE doing something wrong!  Kill!  Kill!  Kill! We scream to the rulers.

So you're wondering why I'm ranting about this now?

It's because I've been having a debilitating, unbearably human month or so and I've been feeling ashamed.  I couldn't face you.  I couldn't write about what was wrong (I didn't know what was wrong, how could I write about it?).  I couldn't even paint.  Because still, in my heart of hearts, there is a huge part of me that cannot self-forgive, the part of me that doesn't want me to have this kind of experience, the part of me that wants your approval.  The part of me that is sure you will not like what you see if you see me standing here just as I am, undone and naked in the woods.

When I named this blog, I had every intention of being that authentic with you, of trusting you that much, of trusting the Universe that much.  I didn't.  I confess.  Will you forgive me?  And the next time I disappear for days at a time, will you come find me?  We are, after all, walking these woods together.  And I am hoping that some of you, at least, are out here naked too.